
I would love to hear from high school students, because my daughter is a freshman and thinks I am completely unreasonable and unfair. I would like to hear different opinions, but please, no rude answers. Honest answers are good, but not smart remarks.
My daughter is 14 and in 9th grade. She has always achieved proficient or advanced scores on the state tests, and she is very smart. She and I were inseparable until she began 8th grade, always spending time and having fun together. I tried to always teach her good manners, and I thought I had been a good role model. I guess not.
She started using drugs at school when she was 12. I knew in my heart she was, but Kaiser sucks and don’t use decent drug tests, so I didn’t have proof until the end of her 8th grade year, when she was suspended for possession. We had planned on her going to the school of the arts in our area, but those plans were ruined for the time being. She had also decided she no longer wanted to take the drum, vocal and bass lessons she had wanted so badly. She was using all different types of drugs, not just smoking weed.
She went to rehab, stayed clean a little while, started 9th grade and messed up by the end of September. She was hospitalized again for drugs and something traumatic that happened when she was supposed to be spending the night at a home about 100 yards from ours.
Following that hospital stay, she began independent study, which got her a few credits, but it wasn’t givingg her time to socialize or participate in any activities. Despite her prior behavior, and against the advice of everyone in our group therapy, I still gave her some privileges. I took her and a friend to the movies about two miles away, and I was going to pick them up. They left the theater, and she ended up running away. She was only found 8 days later because of a tip from someone who saw an article about her in the newspaper. It tooks deputies almost 4 hours to get her out of the house where she had been staying.
Again, she went to a hospital, where they told me for the second time that with the amount of drugs in her system, it was amazing she was still alive. It was recommended I go through the school district to have her sent to a facility in Utah for a minimum of 6 months, but I didn’t want to do that. I was afraid she would hate me forever.
Instead, I was lucky to get her into an inpatient program about 150 miles away. It wasn’t a hospital. It was a house with a maximum of 6 teens in a beautiful area. They had outings to the movies and the beach and played sports and had really fun days that included intensive therapy. I went up there for family sessions and visiting, and we even had a nice Christmas there with all of the families. She was there about 6 weeks. She seemed to make so much progress there, and it seemed like it really made a difference (until about an hour after she left).
She didn’t want to go back to school. She kept talking (and continues talking) about how she really just wants to get high. We had a contract they had written up with all the rules regarding how to let her earn her privileges back and about all kinds of stuff.
After about two weeks, I enrolled her in the high school in the district where I teach. She had a lot of friends there already from elementary school, and many of them even came to my job to see her when they found out she was going to start attending.
She started school with a totally negative attitude. As a favor, the drama teacher added her to his zero period class, where she suddenly has no interest in singing, dancing, acting, or participating in anything.
She is getting an F in four subjects, and D’s or D-’s in the other three. She is actually receiving an F in P.E. from just refusing to dress or participate. She is failing drama, even though we have attended after school activities to earn some of her points back. The drama teacher has been really cool about things. She is a computer whiz, and she is failing her computer technology class because she skips the quizzes. And she is failing English.
Two weeks into school, she asked me to let her prove she was trustworthy. She asked to go to a friend’s house who lives one block from my school. I said yes, had the phone number and address, and told her she could go for an hour and a half, until I was done with my work. I went to pick her up, and they had never even gone home to her friend’s house. SHE screamed and yelled and said I never trust her.
She tells me everyday that I am so unfair, because EVERYONE gets to go out wherever they want and do whatever, but I only let her hang out with friends at our house or nearby. Personally, I think she is lucky I bought her a new phone, I let her friends come over, and I still take her to do fun stuff.
All I ask is that she get C’s, or even C-’s in her classes. Even if she got a D in one cla