I went with my girlfriend to her to mother’s house. They were having a get-together in memory of her father. I knew him for the 4 months we’ve been together — he and I got along extremely well. She didn’t want to go alone, so I went with her.
It was fine, but every memorial gets gloomy eventually. They all start drinking, including my girlfriend. She knows I don’t drink because alcoholism killed my father, so I just sat that out. I am not one to dictate other’s actions to a certain degree, but she got a little drunk — and I cannot stand seeing people in a drunken stupor. It just reminds me of times of lesser value.
She starts talking about her father, her life, etc. I knew it was going to get worse, so I just took her home. I get her home, and she just breaks down. For the most part, she is pretty good at controlling her emotions, but this was the worst I’ve seen her. She couldn’t even walk, it was so bad. I had to carry her to her bedroom.
She told me she felt bad about her father because he wanted her to come over and visit, but she refused. That was the last time she spoke to him. She wished she’d have visited. It sucked, because it just made me think of my father — the last thing I said to him was that he was a piece of sh)t, and that I never want to see him again. A week later, he was gone…
I tried to tell her that he loves her no matter what. That she has to remember every good thing and not just the few bad ones. I told her that my dad used to beat my a## over his oweing me money when he was drunk, but he was still my father.
I don’t know… I am 24 and she is my first girlfriend, and we’ve been together for 4 months now. You shouldn’t have to go through these kinds of things this early in a relationship, yet alone your first. We’ve been through a lot in these 4 months than married couples go through in 10 years. Honestly.
It feels awkward. In no way am I saying I am quitting — I NEVER quit. I just had to comfort her the best I could until she eventually fell asleep. I never really cry, but that really got to me. I don’t know what to do, or how to do it… Am I doing things right? I would normally never ask anyone this, but this scene really threw my mindset completely off track. I am just trying to make sense of it…
I want to tell her so much more, but I don’t want to spill everything all at once. There is so much to tell her… I don’t know why she is with me. Although I am confident in my person and looks, I work out to keep strong, going to college and have a good job, I feel that I am a truly nasty person.
My father and I fought all the time. I treated my mother like dirt for 16 years. I was outcasted in school because I was one of the few white kids. We weren’t that well-to-do financially… My neighborhood really didn’t help any, because we lived right outside of section 8. Racism, fighting, drugs, and everything else that you can think of.
It took my father to die for me to actually grow up, I’d like to think. I couldn’t even cook. Now, I can’t stop cooking. My mother is 40k in debt due to my father’s debt, but I told her I would stay to help her with the bills as I finish college. I got over my mother cheating on my father — that really added to my misogyny — and we we’re doing fine.
I just don’t know how to take this situation, though. I don’t know if I should feel strange because I am with a girl that I care about, or that I am happy because she looks to me for comfort… I don’t really know. This whole thing is out of my control. I really don’t know how to word myself because of what happened tonight. Any advice will do. Thank you all…
