I really need some advice, please take some time to read the details before commenting.
My sister (in her mid-30s, currently residing in VA) has a long history of mental & emotional illness (unfortunately inherited, as she has every characteristic of our father who’s alcoholism & drug addiction eventually killed him). She has become progressively worse, & is certain that there is a physical disease or illness that can excuse why she won’t work, clean up after herself, or even change clothes or bathe, although years of drs appts & specialists have ruled this out. Although struggling, she lived independently for quite some time, but has regressed to this state over the last 2 years & now lives with our 61 year old mother & is becoming increasingly demanding & irate & just too much for her to handle. She is beginning to abuse every medication she can get her hands on & has developed an increasingly frequent addiction to calling 911 on herself. She no longer works & has no insurance. The local hospitals all have records of this frequency & the drs agree that this is emotional but that there’s really nothing they can do at this point. Psychiatric & social services have been involved but unfortunately will only admit her if she is of ‘immediate danger to herself or someone else’. She may not be ‘suicidal’ as in immediately killing herself, but she is certainly doing it slowly. These constant trips to the hospital are taking a wear & tear on me & my mother & she will not accept any diagnosis or suggestions except what she wants to hear. We even had a cousin who is a clinical psychologist get involved & she took her in for several months to observe & try to help & even she could not help.
Any further suggestions? How should we handle this? One suggestion we received was to start being stricter with her- that the next time she calls 911 on herself not to go to the hospital for several hours after they release her to show her that not everyone is going to be at her beck & call, & when she demands something from my mother that we in turn demand that she do something in return first, like bathe or so forth.
Please no cruel or judgemental comments. We understand this is a valid & serious condition, we’ve experienced it with my father & grandmother. We don’t want to be cruel, we weren’t able to save them no matter how much we tried, we don’t want the same thing to happen to my sister & are at a loss as to what else to do. My mother is even willing to move to another state if it would be easier to obtain psychiatric & medical assistance for her there.
Jennifer, I want to clarify we do realize that addiction stems from mental disorder- the mental disorder is always the root- addiction is the symptom, as it is a self-medication technique- unfortunately we’re quite deeply familiar with it & have learned much about it- we’ve experienced this in our family before. Not putting her actions on our father, just pointing out how we recognize the symptoms & the inheritance factor of the mental illness. Not offended, I appreciate your input as someone who has been there.
Mary, I appreciate all of your experienced input very much. Unfortunately we haven’t been able to actively pursue Medicaid or the outpatient appointments. When appts have been set up for her, she refuses to go. And she won’t sign permission over to us for power of attorney, & won’t fill out necessary forms herself. She has not been officially diagnosed because the few appts we’ve been able to get her to go to, she would stop going before they had enough appts to complete the diagnosis process.
She also refuses ‘mental health’ meds, because she refuses that diagnosis. She will only take things that will help her sleep or feel good. And no activity interests her. She will not leave the house under any circumstances unless in an ambulance.
Country Doggie, sounds like easy fixes, but they aren’t. Disability is a lengthy complicated process. The only drs she sees now are ER drs- they can not write such a note. Additionally, it is required that a complete diagnosis is given in order to receive the benefits, which isn’t possible because she will not go to a PCP on a regular basis. Also, putting someone in a ‘state institution’ is not as easy as it sounds- that also requires a lengthy process & as specified before, there are regulations as to who they will or won’t take.
CJ, we have found profound & unmatched truth in our own religion. Yes, that does provide much peace in looking towards the future. Now with that, we are looking for help to guide us on how to help her medically. I don’t see that your website would do that.
