We will help you get your mom off drugs!

A few nights ago, my girlfriend and I had a fight. We fought about us not being able to get a place together. She cries and leaves. Turns out, her father passed and she wanted to tell me, but because of our fight, she refrained. I went to her place to apologize where she then informed me of his passing.

I try to comfort her as we talk about his death. He had a 4th heart attack. Having experienced losing my father, I sympathize with her the best I can. It eases her to some degree, but not much.

However, she asked me if I loved her. I told her I liked her very much… We’ve only been together 3 months. I really liked her a lot, but that was an excuse I have learned to recognize.

It upset her when I told her, and I think I was being selfish. I asked a question previously, and a lady named Margaret K pointed out a few things that I didn’t recognize that I was doing.

My father died of alcoholism. My mother cheated on him and I didn’t want the same to become of me. I didn’t trust women for the longest time. I am 24, and this girl was my first girlfriend. I thought I was doing everything right by taking it slow. She is exactly like me in every way — I guess I was just scared.

I had a long talk with my mother about my father and her after Margaret K mentioned certain things I was doing. It felt really good — as if the world was removed from my shoulders. I learned to accept that things happen when you live life — just try to do your best and not let the mistakes of others dictate your future. It took me 24 years and the help of people on Yahoo! Answers to learn that.

For that, I thank you all. All of you. I do not let the past decide what I do for my future anymore. After realizing this, I became closer to my mother, and I am actually starting to enjoy life. I am not a p_ssed off person anymore. I feel absolute.

After talking with my mother, I wanted to do for my girlfriend what every Czech boy does for the girl he announces his love for: a cherry blossom held high above her head as he kisses her, preserving her beauty forever.

I bought a waxed-preserved cherry blossom to take to her. When I got to her place, she was kind of hesitant to talk to me. She actually just told me that I should just leave. I was feeling great, even though she told me to leave. I told her I had something to say, and she should listen.

I told her how I truly felt about my father and mother, and how I was afraid to end up the same. We talked about everything. It was about 3 hours before I was able to do what I came to do. When I did, I stood up and removed it from my hoodie.

She asked what it was, and I told her there is a Czech tradition that every Czech boy does for his girlfriend. I held it high above her head, and I kissed her for the longest time. Then, I handed her the blossom, told her beauty is preserved forever as the blossom is preserved within the wax. I then told her that I loved her.

I am not a sadist, but when she started crying, I couldn’t help but enjoy it. I don’t know. I guess it was because she was crying out of joy rather than sadness for a change. It has been pretty hard on her the last few days with the loss of her father. I don’t know.

But now, I feel like my skin is tightening around my bones. I feel so very scared to lose her now. I never thought I would actually be able to love a girl like I do her. She is just like me — we share more commonalities than the ocean shares with the sea. I know what she is thinking without her even telling me…same with her.

Did any of you feel the same when you announced your love? This is my first love, and I am more afraid to lose her than my own life. I feel so free, yet so attached… Is this a normal feeling? I know I am inexperienced, but it took me a long time to get here to this point.

Also, thanks to all of your for your help in all of my previous questions. I have gained more knowledge from you all than those dearest to me. For that, I thank you and am in your debt forever.

And her father was still a little boy trying to escape the molestation of a priest? Her mom was gang raped at a drive-in theater. They lived in alcoholism, abuse, and neglect. She married me at the age of Twenty only four years after leaving this home because there was not enough food to eat.

She two-timed our marriage after twenty years of being seemingly a together person. I can see now she was only scripting her way through it and was not really present or truly “in love” with me because she hardly loved herself. I suppose I had wished or thought she was what she presented to me but think now it was really her best attempt to maintain normalcy. I am forced to face such things because she went so completely insane with stupidity. Because I was so very much in love with her and our family of seven. I think I can see she really never had the opportunity to grow up in a loving family, develop emotional intelligence and therefore not have had the ability to actually love. How does a man such as myself, giving love and reason to search out answers, come to grips with the actual truth of the matter? That the person before him is actually only a little girl, undeveloped and insecure who married under the disguise of a grown woman. That she is not really who she said she was, and who will most likely be not getting it for the better part of her existence here on this earth. How do I leave someone I love and feel sorry for even though this is not her fault, I wonder can I live without the reciprocated adult love I want and be a caretaker to a little girl. Do I have the patience, or what is right for this pitiful thing. She is only here now because of me and she is trusting me to help her get through this, she is aware of the details and reasons for her troubled mind now. I am trying to weigh what’s actually in this for me, and not feel selfish for wanting the affection of a real woman.
Love is not taught? that is idealistic. everything is learned and taught.
A bold statement of judgment. thanks god!
I can see this one. I am making excuses, but I thought this was being understanding. I do want to expect. What are the consequences of living with someone who takes up all yours. huh…I guess I was not willing to loose what I thought was our family. Not wanting to loose the person I have loved. I kept thinking If I can find the root of all this she will come out of it and be present. I don’t really know if or what she has truly made the sincere effort to hold on to this or more she has let me guide her through it because I was stronger at the time. But there I go making excuses or finding loop holes. Your right! I am doing this….huh. ok I am going to do my best to not make excuses for her anymore. You know..I used to not do that until she shocked me with the cheating..I used to call her on everything unusual. I used to not be scared. She was not holding her own, I thought catching the slack was an act of love…but how long..I must have become her enabler,and scared too.

I know your mother loves you no matter what, right? Well in my situation I don’t’ think so. I have done everything in my life to make my mother proud but nothing pleases her. I’m to the point where I just want to tell her to not contact me again.

History: my parents split when I was one because my father had an affair and gave my mother a VD. From then on my mother used me as a weapon with my father. We would move and she wouldn’t tell him were we lived and she made me call my step father dad.
My mother never had me she always left me at my grandmother’s house. I basically lived there rode the bus to school and everything. My mother would use me for everything. My grandmother asked my mom once to have me pretend I was her daughter so she could lie to a man my grandmother was cheating on with my grandfather. My grandmother said I was their love child and for years I was forced to live a lie when ever we would visit. Along with many other things family members would use me to help them steal and I was sexually molested by one of my uncles. I never told my mother when I was young because I knew she would never believe me. I told her a few years ago and she tells everyone that she doesn’t’ think that my uncle would have ever done such a thing. She never asked me a thing about it either. There was physical abuse and metal abuse my entire childhood and when I was 16 my mother and I got in a fight and she call me a B***H and told me to leave. So I was on my own and she never asked me to come back home.

Now I am married to a wonderful man and two amazing children. However my mother still does things that hurt me. She never calls or asks how my kids are doing, she doesn’t know that I am in college (I’m in my 2nd year). Seriously I have done so much for her taken care of her when she was going through rehab for drugs and basically raised my little sister…What the heck…She doesn’t love me right? I’m feel I am such a strong individual but why does this woman have such an impact on my life?

if my mom enables my drug addict sister i guess that is up to her since it has been going on for years and years. I just don’t want to hear anymore bad stuff about this situation. My mom calls everyday and tells me how horrible her life is with my sister but as soon as i start telling her to do tough love she gets very anger and even hangs up on me What should i do?

My GF’s mom is an alcoholic. I’ll refer to her mom as It. lol. It denies that she’s an alcoholic all the time. It won’t let her daughter be with me even though her daughter has said that she loves me and wants to be with me. I have done so much for it’s daughter and I have helped it’s daughter. It’s problem is that it doesn’t want anything good for its daughter. It admitted that its daughter is actually happy with me and it is extremely clear if you look at all the pics we’ve taken and the times we’ve had. My GF hates pics, but when she’s with me she loves taking pics and she says she’s more comfy with me than with anyone else, and she loves the way I make her feel with my poems and all the other stuff I do. My GF and I really love each other, but her mom, regardless of how obvious it is that her daughter is in love, won’t let her be with me. It’s like she doesn’t want her daughter to do better than her. I have a very lucrative future ahead of me and her daughter does too, but we want to share our happiness with each other. What can i do to get an alcoholic to let me date her daughter?

I’m almost 9 months pregnant by my boyfriend of 14 months. I have 2 other children by two different men. My boyfriend lives with me and my two kids. He was financially responsible for all of us until he got laid off several months ago. We really didn’t get a chance to get to know each other. Since we’ve been together we have broken at least 6 or more times. He once told me that we get along better as friends. Anyway, I found out through his family that he was originally in love with another young lady before he met me . They said he was crazy about her and that she brought out the best in him. I found hidden pictures of them together in his computer files. I must admit she is very beautiful. She kinda looks like a cross between Kim Kardashian and Cassie. (she’s mixed with black and arab). Long story short she dumped him because he wouldn’t get help for his alcoholism, which really crushed him. So I guess I was the rebound girl. Anyway, 7 months into our relationship I noticed he started not coming home, start arguments with me, and fixing himself up more. Then I broke into his email and found out that he started seeing his ex again!! He emails her love letters and tells her how much he misses her. But he told her he is confused because he doesn’t know if he should leave me for her or be obligated to stay with the mother of his child. I’m so hurt.

I know your mother loves you no matter what, right? Well in my situation I don’t’ think so. I have done everything in my life to make my mother proud but nothing pleases her. I’m to the point where I just want to tell her to not contact me again.

History: my parents split when I was one because my father had an affair and gave my mother a VD. From then on my mother used me as a weapon with my father. We would move and she wouldn’t tell him were we lived and she made me call my step father dad.
My mother never had me she always left me at my grandmother’s house. I basically lived there rode the bus to school and everything. My mother would use me for everything. My grandmother asked my mom once to have me pretend I was her daughter so she could lie to a man my grandmother was cheating on with my grandfather. My grandmother said I was their love child and for years I was forced to live a lie when ever we would visit. Along with many other things family members would use me to help them steal and I was sexually molested by one of my uncles. I never told my mother when I was young because I knew she would never believe me. I told her a few years ago and she tells everyone that she doesn’t’ think that my uncle would have ever done such a thing. She never asked me a thing about it either. There was physical abuse and metal abuse my entire childhood and when I was 16 my mother and I got in a fight and she call me a B***H and told me to leave. So I was on my own and she never asked me to come back home.

Now I am married to a wonderful man and two amazing children. However my mother still does things that hurt me. She never calls or asks how my kids are doing, she doesn’t know that I am in college (I’m in my 2nd year). Seriously I have done so much for her taken care of her when she was going through rehab for drugs and basically raised my little sister…What the heck…She doesn’t love me right? I’m feel I am such a strong individual but why does this woman have such an impact on my life?

Even if they’re not abusive. They are drunk sometimes and ruining their health. And drinking makes them moody or sleepy and not make any sense.
And you feel bad and don’t talk about your mom’s prob, b/c that’s like betraying her and she loves you.
It’s after the fact, and they’re still drinking.

So many things we love and crave are bad for us?

Why isn’t it the other way around? Why don’t people binge on brussel sprouts and lettuce? Why doesn’t you mom tell you to stop eating so much broccoli? Or to quit eating so many blueberries?

Instead we love cheese, chocolate, alcohol, greasey food of all kinds, eggs, bread, all that stuff.

Why?

She was thinking of calling her tomorrow since its her mom’s Birthday. Should she call her , or continue to not talk to her at all?

i love my weed, it helps with my stress. im only 17, my mother use to use crack and do coke. i have seen people on other drugs and understand weed is a gate way drug ( or what ever you call it) and have seen how it destroys lives. and know you cant just try it once. i will never be like my mother. but sometimes i think she thinks i will end up smoking crack or something.

should i stop smoking or just wait till i move out in like a year? or how could i help her understand weed is not that bad. sure it makes you a little stupider but i plan on going to community college, lol
im a good kid ive only had one boyfriend, never been arested i use to skip school but just to smoke weed. so i ended up getting my ged. i never stole, ect ( i know i cant blam her but i kinda do. ) what should i do?

What is to be done?

I admit I stole from her and her mother just to smoke crack rock but I have changed. What can I do.

my boyfriend smokes weed ,and cigarretes everyday and he drinks beer practically every other day…..i love so much that i even look up to him he is so smart and has so much potential but he doesnt realize it.. i try to ge him to quit by giving him a choice then all he does is try to sneak n do it… he says he not addicted but wat i dont understand is if hes not addicted and he “claims” he would do anything for me y is it so hard to quit.. i just dont want us to end up like my mother and father .. my mother loves my dad but they wouldnt have as many problems if my dad wouldnt do drugs.. i just want him to realize that he can do so many greater things but he could go further if he quits.. it hurts me so much to see how great and smart he is but these drugs are holding him back…its like they have him on a chain so he cant reach his sucess in life… i just want him to do everything i believe he can do …but its hard if he cant even realize hes addicted….

Ok, sorry in advance if this gets long.. but i am at a loss, i feel like i could just scream and cry forever!

I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months now.. we met out in Florida at a carnival he was working at.. I lived in FL at the time, and he was traveling with this carnival.. when the carnival ended he askd if i wanted to travel with him and i said yes…that was 8 months ago..

at the moment we are staying with his mother in Ohio (where he is from).. I am now realizing why he doesnt have a steady job and NEVER has money… he is addicted to CRACK. once we got to Ohio (2 months ago) he brought me to this house that he says are his “highschool friends”.. well they are drug dealers/addicts.. I went inside there for the first time 2 months ago and just started balling my eyes out begging Jason to stop and he wouldnt.. he just continued to smoke crack infront of me!.. he goes there ALL the time.. he has gotten motel rooms just recently and LEFT me at them while he’s out smoking crack all night long!!! he says he’ll be back in an hour at the MOST and is gone till 4 or 5 in the morning! last month he LEFT me in a motel room and NEVER showed up.. i had to get a ride to his mothers house from a stranger and then the mother kicked me out cuz she didnt want me there without jason… i had to beg my dad for a bus ticket back to FL.. the day i get to FL he calls my sisters phone from my phone (i gave it to him so i could keep in contact with him while he was away from the motel) and told me he was so sorry/crying into the phone, and then told me he was on his way to pick me up (driving from OH to FL to get me!).. i wasent even going to answer the phone when i saw it was him, but i figured since he was gonna drive all the way to get me, then he must love me and must ne sorry… NOPE!.. he just went on smoking crack still!.. and he went on to leave me at a target store PAST CLOSING time.. he never came to get me and i had to call his mother to pick me up at MIDNIGHT! keep in mind i am not from Ohio and have NO IDEA where I am and how to get his mothers house when i am being left places. Also, when he left me at the motel to the point i had to go back home to FL, before i went to the bus station i got a taxi with my last $25 and went to the crack house to look for him!!!! they told me he hasent been there since noon (it was 8pm when i went) and the guy that drove me to the greyhound told me that he knew Jason and that he is probably at “motel one” with the prostitutes cuz that is what he usually does when he’s out binging on crack!!! (of course jason later told me thats all a lie and he has no idea who would say that about him)

I am sorry this is long.. i am just at a loss.. he tells me he loves me/wants me/wants to marry me/wants to get me pregnant and have a family with me/only wants me/etc etc… but when he smokes crack, he’s an ENTIRELY different person… and when he’s coming off of it he says some MEAN things to me.. he calls me a f*cking c*nt at least 3x a week.. or to pack my stuff,walk to the greyhound and leave… and then an hour later he hugs and kisses me tells me he loves me and then asks me if i would rub his back/neck/or feet… and is all lovey towards me then… also, when he’s coming down from it.. he is suicidal and is all “stop talkin about it.. i know what i did was wrong.. i said i was sorry, all ur doing is making me feel worse then i already do about it” then he says “im just gonna kill myself by hanging myself in the garage!” wtf?!!! does he really love me??? i think he does, but ever since being here in Ohio he got really really addicted to this drug cuz he knows where and who to get it from.. and its always there for him if he has $10!!! he doesnt just do it in ohio either… we were out in San Diego before we got to Ohio and i almost got raped from a guy he JUST MET that he got high with in his house.. he seriously JUST MET this guy by getting out of the car at around 11pm in downtown san diego and ASKING where he could find dope… who does that?! i am just hurt/confused/and scared for my life basically…

the other night.. he put his truck up on craigslist for $500 because we have fines due at the court for a theft charge (of course he was stealing and since i was with him i got charged too).. so he told me if he sells the truck he’ll pay both fines… well, RIGHT AFTER he drove the truck to the ppl to sell it, he sold it and we had to take a taxi back to his mom’s house.. but of course we didnt go to his moms house.. we went to the crack house!!!! we were there from around 9pm-midlight.. then he got a ride back for us.. but they were smoking it while driving and me in the back seat.. driving down scary dirt roads.. the even stopped the car down one while they smoked for like half n hour.. in the PITCH BLACK.. i was SCARED for my LIFE… then when the guy was bout to take us to his moms house… jason just asked him to go to a cheap motel room because “he couldnt go i

She was thinking of calling her tomorrow since its her mom’s Birthday. Should she call her , or continue to not talk to her at all?

Suppose you are a kid born as an accident from a drug addicted mother and unidentified father. She only keeps you till you are 12, then you get kicked out and you are forced to live on the streets. So now you are 18 and you finally found a job and not homeless anymore. But how can you be ever love yourself or someone else if you never learned meaning of love from your parents?
I didn’t mean that’s how my life was. It’s just a scenario similar to my friends situation although a bit worse. Although my life had similar aspects to this scenario too.

She was thinking of calling her tomorrow since its her mom’s Birthday. Should she call her , or continue to not talk to her at all?