whats is going on in my head ? burn burn kill?

Monday, November 7th, 2011

I like to masturbate several times a day. I often imagine the sounds a person would make if i strangled him or her. I like to steal pairs of my granmas dirty underwear and dance around in them covered in blueberry syrup listen to marilyn manson and masturbate to picures inside guns and ammo magizines but sumtimes i use popular mechanicks. I am in 9th grade. once i used a C clamp to put extreme pressure on my right teste while ejackualtion occured, i lost my other teste when i was younger. my dad is a recovered drug addict, my mom also used drugs when she was pregnat with me and my little sis, but my sister seems like a regular kid. I take ritalin but i think it could be someting else, i also have dark thoughts. I felt fine when i went thru counseling last week, both parents still drink and don;’t help me with my homework. I am on the football team and my grades are starting to get bad. i dont know what im asking here, i guess i just wanted someone else to know whats going on in my head. Thanks, mike

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Mother’s leaving me with alcoholic, drug addict, pot head dad?

Thursday, September 1st, 2011

We found out we were losing our house a few months ago, and it’s torn my mom apart – stressed her to no end. She’s finally broken down and decided to leave my father, who’s a drunk alcoholic, drug addict, and pot head. She’s not taking us or my other sister (I have another, but she’s getting married, she’s going off with her man) with her. She doesn’t have the money. Why in HELL she thinks this life is better for us doesn’t get into my head. I’m sobbing, my dad is abusive, he steals the drugs I take for acute migraines I’ve gotten since a baby, he drinks every night with those meds and now he’s smoking pot on top of it all. And she’s LEAVING us with him. What do I do? I have no other family to turn to, none whatosoever. I’m 15 and still have a while to go until I’m legal and can live on my own. I’m scared, I can’t live with him alone. Help me.
I should’ve mentioned I’m homeschooled, it’s extremely hard for me to find adults to talk to about this stuff. My mother also currently has no job, it’s why she’s lived with my dad through-out these years, only for his finical support. She was planning to get one when/if we kept the house, so it’s no surprise she’s leaving and getting one on her own. Talking to a school counselor to find soical service is out of the question though

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how can i get through my own head that i need to lose weight?

Tuesday, June 21st, 2011

i hate my body. i hate everything about it. i hate it that i have huge boobs and a huge butt. yea my bf loves it but i cant feel comfortable wearing nothing. what the hell do i do?!

i come to my senses that i need to lose weight i constantly look at pictures with thin bodies but its like that doesnt stop me from binge eating. eating more than i should just because its good.

my mom is brazilian she cooks every.single.day. and everyday its something delicious and i have to eat it. were a big family so i cant jsut tell her to stop cooking i have 3 older brothers for God’s sake. how can i just stop and get the courage to start working out so by this summer ill have a rockin body?

im 140 lbs and 5’4 so i KNOW that by this summer i can achieve 120. i know i can everyone tells me 20 lbs is easy. so why cant i do it?

I just hate myself right now i need help. how can i get encouragement.

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Ladies….dry your tearz…never give up and keep ya head up?

Monday, February 28th, 2011

Hey i’m tellin u right now that thiz ain’t a question..i dedicate this song 2 all the ladies who really needed respect…hit it..
Artist: 2Pac
Album: Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z.
Song: Keep Ya Head Up
Typed by: OHHLA Webmaster DJ Flash

Little somethin for my godson Elijah and a little girl named Corinne

[Verse One]
Some say the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice
I say the darker the flesh then the deeper the roots
I give a holler to my sisters on welfare
Tupac cares, if don’t nobody else care
And uhh, I know they like to beat ya down a lot
When you come around the block brothas clown a lot
But please don’t cry, dry your eyes, never let up
Forgive but don’t forget, girl keep your head up
And when he tells you you ain’t nuttin don’t believe him
And if he can’t learn to love you you should leave him
Cause sista you don’t need him
And I ain’t tryin to gas ya up, I just call em how I see em
You know it makes me unhappy (what’s that)
When brothas make babies, and leave a young mother to be a pappy
And since we all came from a woman
Got our name from a woman and our game from a woman
I wonder why we take from our women
Why we rape our women, do we hate our women?
I think it’s time to kill for our women
Time to heal our women, be real to our women
And if we don’t we’ll have a race of babies
That will hate the ladies, that make the babies
And since a man can’t make one
He has no right to tell a woman when and where to create one
So will the real men get up
I know you’re fed up ladies, but keep your head up

[Chorus - repeat 2X]
Keep ya head up, oooo child things are gonna get easier
ooooo child things are gonna get brighter

[Verse Two]
Aiyyo, I remember Marvin Gaye, used to sing ta me
He had me feelin like black was tha thing to be
And suddenly tha ghetto didn’t seem so tough
And though we had it rough, we always had enough
I huffed and puffed about my curfew and broke the rules
Ran with the local crew, and had a smoke or two
And I realize momma really paid the price
She nearly gave her life, to raise me right
And all I had ta give her was my pipe dream
Of how I’d rock the mic, and make it to tha bright screen
I’m tryin to make a dollar out of fifteen cents
It’s hard to be legit and still pay tha rent
And in the end it seems I’m headin for tha pen
I try and find my friends, but they’re blowin in the wind
Last night my buddy lost his whole family
It’s gonna take the man in me to conquer this insanity
It seems tha rain’ll never let up
I try to keep my head up, and still keep from gettin wet up
You know it’s funny when it rains it pours
They got money for wars, but can’t feed the poor
Say there ain’t no hope for the youth and the truth is
it ain’t no hope for tha future
And then they wonder why we crazy
I blame my mother, for turning my brother into a crack baby
We ain’t meant to survive, cause it’s a setup
And even though you’re fed up
Huh, ya got to keep your head up

[Chorus]

[Verse Three]
And uhh
To all the ladies havin babies on they own
I know it’s kinda rough and you’re feelin all alone
Daddy’s long gone and he left you by ya lonesome
Thank the Lord for my kids, even if nobody else want em
Cause I think we can make it, in fact, I’m sure
And if you fall, stand tall and comeback for more
Cause ain’t nuttin worse than when your son
wants to kno why his daddy don’t love him no mo’
You can’t complain you was dealt this
hell of a hand without a man, feelin helpless
Because there’s too many things for you to deal with
Dying inside, but outside you’re looking fearless
While tears, is rollin down your cheeks
Ya steady hopin things don’t all down this week
Cause if it did, you couldn’t take it, and don’t blame me
I was given this world I didn’t make it
And now my son’s getten older and older and cold
From havin the world on his shoulders
While the rich kids is drivin Benz
I’m still tryin to hold on to my survivin friends
And it’s crazy, it seems it’ll never let up, but
please… you got to keep your head up

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Mother’s leaving me with alcoholic, drug addict, pot head dad?

Saturday, February 26th, 2011

We found out we were losing our house a few months ago, and it’s torn my mom apart – stressed her to no end. She’s finally broken down and decided to leave my father, who’s a drunk alcoholic, drug addict, and pot head. She’s not taking us or my other sister (I have another, but she’s getting married, she’s going off with her man) with her. She doesn’t have the money. Why in HELL she thinks this life is better for us doesn’t get into my head. I’m sobbing, my dad is abusive, he steals the drugs I take for acute migraines I’ve gotten since a baby, he drinks every night with those meds and now he’s smoking pot on top of it all. And she’s LEAVING us with him. What do I do? I have no other family to turn to, none whatosoever. I’m 15 and still have a while to go until I’m legal and can live on my own. I’m scared, I can’t live with him alone. Help me.
I should’ve mentioned I’m homeschooled, it’s extremely hard for me to find adults to talk to about this stuff. My mother also currently has no job, it’s why she’s lived with my dad through-out these years, only for his finical support. She was planning to get one when/if we kept the house, so it’s no surprise she’s leaving and getting one on her own. Talking to a school counselor to find soical service is out of the question though

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HELP I always get with a bi polar, coke head.?

Monday, February 14th, 2011

I’m 40 and had 2 kids with 2 bi polar crack heads. One was a hidden crack head prior to our 10 year relationship and the other turned in to one right after we split our 2 year relationship. My current husband of 3 years has abused cocaine before me and currently shows signs of bi polar and he smokes pot. He is angry and snaps and then he is the greatest.

Why do I keep getting into these situations? My childhood was filled with my father keeping the family in fear with his anger and mood swings, his drinking, his violence against my brother, and threatening to shoot my brother. My dad use to tell me how he will burn the house down when I am gone but with my mother and brother still in the house. He use to tell me how he will kill them and this is when I was only 9. Family use to have to hide me from my dad so he wouldn’t take me and drive intoxicated at 5 years old.

I still don’t have the relationship with my dad like I want. He is so distant.

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POLL: 2 Questions: A). Did your mother drink alcohol when you were in the womb; B). Ever had a head injury?

Thursday, February 10th, 2011

2 Questions:

A. Did your mother drink alcohol when you were in her womb;

B. Have you ever had a concussion or head injury?

C. None of the above

?

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Why does Clarence, head of security at Kane software, in Veronica Mars blackmail Veronica’s mom?

Thursday, February 3rd, 2011

It is never quite clear why. Once she finds her mother she takes her to rehab and all that but it never explains why Clarence did it in the first place. Any ideas?

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Why does Clarence, head of security at Kane software, in Veronica Mars blackmail Veronica’s mom?

Tuesday, February 1st, 2011

It is never quite clear why. Once she finds her mother she takes her to rehab and all that but it never explains why Clarence did it in the first place. Any ideas?

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Alcoholic dad and pot head mom?

Thursday, January 27th, 2011

my grandpa said that i might have alcohol syndrome, but i cant find anything on it since my dad was the alcoholic. he said it’s like i’m booksmart but my common sense isnt really good. does anybody know what he’s talking about? he also said i can be tested from a psychologist. but first he wants me to go online and look at the symptons but i cant find anything on it.
daisy- i’m not addicted to alcohol, i don’t even really like it that much. but my mom used to smoke pot and another drug (can’t remember which) when she was pregnant with me.

i didnt mean tested like cancer and drugs could cure me, more like counseling (i used to be a heavy pot smoker and pill popper) and i will go into like periods of depression for weeks at a time for no apparent reason. i think that’s why they are so concerned

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Why does a four year old hit himself in the head when he gets frustrated?

Saturday, August 21st, 2010

This child is extremely hard to control and has problems in preschool with disruptive behavior. Parents are going through divorce and they have joint custody. Alcoholism runs in the family, and grandmother is supposedly bi-polar, mother could be as well. His half brother has been diagnosed as autistic. He has been sent home from day care on many occasions for defecating in his pants. Teachers seem to think it is intentional.

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I’m a former crack head and I just got out of prison, how can I get my GF back? I still love her.?

Friday, July 30th, 2010

I admit I stole from her and her mother just to smoke crack rock but I have changed. What can I do.

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What to do with my pill head addict mother????

Thursday, April 22nd, 2010

My mom is drug addict pill head… she recently crashed our car leaving us with no transportation… carelessly driving off the road… with my baby and her kids in the car not giving a sh*t … we all got out of the car before she crashed.. We tried putting her in rehab everything… but doesnt help she doesnt want to go she doesnt care about anything or anyone but her PILLS.. and I’m down to the point I dont know what to do?? now I have no way to get to a job or anything. I’m stuck in a big mess and dont know one step or anything on how to get out of it please help!!!
and also everytime i try to tell her what she is doing… she thinks shes doing nothing wrong.

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Crack head Moms

Friday, January 29th, 2010


This is a clip from a film I did in 1999 on 16mm. Charley’s Guardian is a drug addict and won’t lt him into the house while she has company.

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An Interview With Zach Samuels About Confessions Of A Crack Head

Sunday, January 10th, 2010

Zach Samuels has just published a rather disturbing book Confessions Of A Crack Head about his life as a drug user. I work with the homeless and a good proportion of my clients have addiction problems, so this book was one that I could definitely relate to. Zach (not his real name) agreed to sit down and give a short interview.

My normal style is to begin an interview with a biographical question, you know the sort of thing, ‘tell us a little about yourself.’ Obviously that wasn’t going to work, he writes under a pen name and has changed all the names and places. Instead I decided to find out his motivation behind the book, and where the idea came from.

Zach: About two years ago I was at a birthday party for my sister and my mom and my cousin from Toronto, who is an actor/writer/director, was there. I started telling him some of my story and he got really interested in making it a play and told me to just start writing. So I did and the words just flowed. Soon it turned into a book. I really don’t care too much about fame or fortune; if I help a few people by telling my story I’ll be happy.

One of the observations I have made in the 6 years I have spent working with people who have addictions is that they age really fast, in real years they may be 25, but they look more like 75. Bad skin, no teeth, thin like an escapee from a Nazi concentration camp, and health issues beyond comprehension. As one sage person told me ‘There are no old Crack Heads,’ they have a career potential of an average NFL player a few seasons, and they are done. Zach seems to have fared better than most.

Zach: I used crack for about 9 years and then a couple more after stopping for 12 years. My breathing isn’t very good anymore, I cough a lot and I have to use a puffer now. That’s the only damage I’m aware of.

I live in Calgary, it is a city of just over one million people. It used to be a very friendly place. Over the past few years there has been a huge increase in street gangs, violence, and drugs. Crack being very prevalent. Hardly a day goes by without some mention in the local press about violence and drugs, is there any kind of solution?

Zach: I think education is the best prevention. I used to go to schools and tell my story so that kids would know where to get help if they got into trouble. I think it should be a big part of the curriculum in high schools.

I am not so sure I am in total agreement with this answer, yes, it is important to educate, but it is equally important to remove the dealers, the runners, and the cooks, from the picture. It is a rare day that I do not walk by a group smoking Crack or doing a joint, yet the police seem to ignore it. Unless there are guns or knives and a whole lot of blood involved, they prefer to look the other way. Too much paperwork involved? Too overfilled jails? Too much aggravation, to just watch while a Judge lets them out again? I don’t know the answer, I only see the problem.

There is a school of thought among the pot smokers that pot should be legal, it does not lead people to stronger drugs. My thoughts on this are divided, for some people pot is enough, I know people that have smoked for years, and have never been tempted to try anything else. I also believe that there are people that for whatever reason are compelled to move on to other drugs. This leads to the idea, can an addict move back down the ladder? From Crack to let’s say Pot?

Zach: It’s my opinion that if you’re an addict you have to stay off all drugs and alcohol in order to recover. Substituting with alcohol or pot will just get you hooked on that or lead you back to your drug of choice.

It is said, once an addict always an addict, do you think controlling addiction becomes easier over time? My wife used to smoke cigarettes, she gave up 7 years ago, but she still has the occasional craving. Does time temper the urges?

Zach: The simple answer is no. The nature of the disease of addiction is that we have an allergy which means as soon as we put a substance into our body we develop a craving which demands more and we can’t stop. That never changes so the answer is complete abstinence.

I know that addiction has become a part of government funding, but I often wonder if there is enough funding, or if this is just a sop to look like they care, while basically ignoring the problem. Spending $100,000 for a drug rehab program makes for a good ‘sound bite’ but when you consider the fact that it is probably costing them millions to just repair the pot holes on main street, you have to wonder.

Zach: I believe the government is already doing a lot at the rehab level. In my city they are pouring hundreds of thousands of dollars into a new rehab and I think the trend is nation wide which is great.

I still remain skeptical. Little money is ever given freely in the area of mental health, and I don’t think Alberta is unique in this trait. If you are missing a limb, sure you are disabled, and the money comes easy, if there is a mental health issue, all bets are off!

The one thing that I am certain about, is that Zach’s support system is outside of the mainstream government funded one.

I wish Zach all the best in his conquest over Crack, and hope that others will learn the lessons from reading his book, rather than by personal experience.

(Originally published at Blogger News Network and reprinted with the permission of the author, Simon Barrett).

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When i was 1 my dad died from a cocaine overdose, a month later my mom suffererd a head injury and has short?

Sunday, January 3rd, 2010

term memory loss now. From then i lived with my grandma and uncle. In 8th grade she died, (i found here laying in the bathroom, she had thrown up blood or something and then fell, all i k now is that the whole bathroom was red) that was pretty traumatic, i then stayed living with my uncle. I saw my mom every week, shes at rehab for her head injury. Recently she broke her leg and somethng is wrong with her head. Shes at a nursing home and barely makes any sense. My aunt is an alcoholic but is for the most part alright, i talk to her everyday. When she drinks its just hard too:-/. My uncle takes care of me now. Hes great but expects so much out of me. I take care of all the chores & just deal with so mcuh. I have a boyfriend but at times can be sometimes verbally abusive and jelous. I dont kno this all is so overwhelming at times. Somtimes im happy but othere times i just.. get so sad. Its hard to sleep at night sometimes. Is this anxiety? Answers please:-/. Not sure what to do.

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What do you think Illegal says he’s more of a victim to have this hanging over his head for 12 years.”

Sunday, January 3rd, 2010

Please read story before commenting . A man convicted of raping a 15-year-old Glenwood Springs High School student on graduation night in 1995 has been sentenced to seven years in prison.

Javier Rojas Delgadillo, 33, received seven years in prison for a count of first-degree sexual assault. Two years of prison each for two counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor will run concurrently.

Delgadillo fled to Mexico after being accused of the rape in 1995. His attorney, Ted Hess, said it was because he was not receiving “zealous” representation. Delgadillo came back several years later and worked using false personal information. Detectives discovered his identity after a bad reaction to cocaine landed him in the hospital in April 2006 and his fingerprints matched outstanding warrants. A jury convicted Delgadillo of the three charges in February.

Ninth Judicial District Judge Denise Lynch said the sentence would provide punishment, and also a chance for rehabilitation and treatment.

“Instead of facing the charges at that time, you absconded and went back to Mexico to avoid prosecution, and that is a fact that this court cannot ignore,” Lynch said.

About 10 family members and supporters of Delgadillo watched as he walked out of the courtroom Friday afternoon on his way to jail.

“Throughout the case they said the family has never felt sympathy for the victim,” said Mario Delgadillo, Javier’s brother. He spoke outside court through a female Spanish interpreter who did not want to be identified. “They do feel bad for her, but (Javier) has also been a victim to have this hanging over his head for 12 years.”

“They convicted me of a crime that I didn’t do,” Javier Delgadillo said. “It’s very difficult for me and my family. I have a son who’s 6 years old. He needs me.”

He had a photo of his son and what looked like a child’s colored picture to present to the court. Hess said the family plans to appeal the case.

Mario Delgadillo and Maria Delgadillo, Javier’s mother took the stand; they painted a picture of a hard working family who had come to America to better themselves. Maria and Mario are both American citizens, according to them and Hess, but Javier is not.

“I’ve never missed a visit with him,” Maria Delgadillo said. “My largest dream was to be able to have my son Javier get his papers.”

Javier likely faces deportation after his prison term, Hess said. Hess also had a psychosexual evaluator testify via telephone that Delgadillo poses a low to moderate risk of re-offense.

Deputy District Attorney Amy Fitch said the victim wanted the maximum prison sentence, but couldn’t travel here to testify because she was too distraught over the recent death of a sibling.

“Javier Delgadillo came to our country illegally without permission,” Fitch said. “He entered the home of a 15-year-old girl while she was asleep and alone.”

Fitch said Delgadillo awakened the girl, blindfolded her and brutally raped her.

“He left illegally while on bond,” she said, adding that the victim did not get any closure in the 12 years since the incident.

“It seems to me that Mom’s lessons about respecting women didn’t stick,” Fitch said, adding that Delgadillo was caught peeping on an aunt when he was 13 and would do inappropriate things to punish his wife when she didn’t want to be intimate with him.

Fitch argued that if Delgadillo didn’t get a prison sentence he would be immediately deported and would not seek sex offender treatment. She said he could then pose additional threat to the community.

“We know what he does,” she said. “He comes back here illegally, under a different name.”

http://www.postindependent.com/article/20070908/VALLEYNEWS/109080066

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