We will help you get your mom off drugs!

a couple months back my mom started dating this guy
and he has a drinking problem. big time. he drinks morning to night
his hands are swollen from it, and hes been in and out of rehab
but no success. hes like 20 years older than my mom…

im 18 and my little sister is 13. and we live with our 84 year old grandma and mom
but when shes gone to her boyfriends, my sister and gma are my responsibility.
thats not an issue. but how can i root this drunk out of our lives?
seriously. he causes unnecessary strain on all of us.
Ive tried explaining it to her, and shes broken up with him, but hes always sick
(due to the alcoholism) and always pitys her back to him
i cant talk to him, hes selfish. and always drunk. he says ”im sorry i love her”
whenever i tell him that we need her around.
i dont know what to do…?

We dated for three months and after three weeks he said “I love you”. Better yet, he wrote this email to me on facebook stating that he wished that I would never leave him and that he loved me. So about two weeks before we broke up he said that he didn’t love me and that he didn’t know what love was. Then he tried to break up with me a week later but I persuaded him to wait it out and give me another week to see it anything changed.

So a week later, on a Friday, we were supposed to get together at my house but I canceled because I was tired and I wanted to sleep early. The next morning I got a call from his mother saying he never came home last night. What really happened was this: he went home, told his parents that he was going to go out again to see me to go iceskating or something but really he was out at a bar, drinking with this coworkers. He got wasted (he’s actually an alcoholic), and got a DUI. He was pretty much in jail.

So the evening of the next day, I wrote “dissapointed” as the status on my facebook. One of my friends commented and asked me what was wrong. I replied : “alcoholism”. After that, my then boyfriend un-friended me from facebook and pretty much broke up with me on a message on facebook. Stating that it was “over”. I asked who he was with two nights ago and pretty much had to squeeze the answer out of him, that it was his co-workers. He does security at a middle school M-F 3-6 pm. He is a year older than I am, we went to the same H.S, the same college, although we didn’t meet until college. And he lives within walking distance from me! ughhh!

He said that he had to work on himself, and get himself straightened out and that we couldn’t be together. That we had separate lives and that we were headed in different directions. What I want to know is, how could he go from fine to wanting nothing to do with me over one weekend. We didn’t even see each other. To this day, he won’t even talk to me. In person, over the phone, in email, whatever. He’s like a completely different person. He went from being this loving boyfriend to someone I don’t even know. I suspect that he was seeing one of his co-workers or perhaps someone he met at a bar , on the side and broke up with me to be with the other women. What do you think and what would you do in this situation? I need closure.
How did I give out his personal information? I did not state it was him. I was being vague.

My BF seems to be a little too close to his family. I come from a large family, I am the youngest of seven, and so I absolutely understand why family is so important. We were a very close family. However, as my brothers and sisters grew up and got married and settled down into their own lives, they focused on nurturing their own families. I am now a 28 year old woman who is looking to settle down and have children. My BF of almost a year who is 30 years old is also looking to have children soon and get married. The problem is is that is constantly talks to his siblings who all live out of state. I occasionally facebook/call/drop a text to my sis/bros maybe every other week, etc, but he calls his sisters sometimes every day (then he may go 3 days-but that is rare), and his brothers about 4 times a week, each (3 brothers), and of course his mother- only a couple of times a week. When they talk, they gossip about one another’s spouse’s or the “out” sibling of the moment (or the aunt-uncle-grandparent they have dirt on or even mom if shes being too nosey, etc) and say very very personal things about their marriages and relationships. It’s all very weird to me, I would never sit around and gossip about my father, who I respect and love dearly – no matter how old fashioned (40 year gap) he may sometimes be, and I would never “pit” my siblings against each other. Yeah, we fought and did that when we were kids, but now we are ADULTS. I love so much about my boyfriend, I make so many sacrifices to be with him- I will probably always make better money, his credit is shot-mine is great, he struggles with alcoholism and other issues- I fortunately do not, etc etc, but its hard for me to understand why he needs these intimate relationships with his family members at 30 years old! It scares me bc I think maybe when we have a marriage he will report everything to them anytime we have a problem, and marriage is hard enough without your confidant/spouse going behind your back, etc. He swears he doesnt do that will me, but I know his mom/sisters ask him personal questions about and my personal business, what will prevent him from telling them if he gets angry. PLUS, what about when we have a family together, is he STILL going to be constantly calling his sisters and giving them a play by play of our life?? aahhhhhh!!! I mean dont they have their own families to care for now? Why cant he have more casual relationships with his siblings, occasionally updating them or emailing them? Please help with some direction!! Whip me into shape if Im out of line ;)
Dont worry too much about the alcoholism, I’ve been battling hard with him trying to help him keep him above water. That is an issue I cannot fix, or make better. The only solution was that he not drink (after the P.I., DWI, and several other horrifying episodes of him passing out or trying to drive, etc) and he has been doing GREAT! I believe in him and I support him with this, although his family for the most part does not understand because when they get together they constantly feed him liquor or trying to get him to drink :( and unfortunately he has major issues with it and they do not.
haha no he’s not Hispanic, just Texan with a dash of New Orleans Cajun ;) And I’m of Jewish origin if that really matters… So we def have different backgrounds. I guess my sisters and parents call me prob more than I call them, they are very close, I am kinda more independent of them.

I’m afraid he feels trapped. If he threatens to leave after a fight, I threaten suicide and have actually tried it several times. I get into a hyseterical frenzy. A while ago, he heard that I cheated on him and got very upset. He got togehter with this horrible girl (druggie and thief) and they slept toghether atleast 10 times and she even stayed with him for a couple of weeks since she doesn’t have a place to live. That was the worst month of my life. I couldn’t stop obsessing about what they were doing. I couldn’t stop crying. I really wanted to die. I really do love this guy but part of me wonders if he is an addiction. I am also a serious recovering drug addict and alcoholic with many emotional problems. Other guys show interest in me that would probably be able to take care of me but I am not interested. This guy doesn’t work and sponges off me and my Mom. I’ve been buying him weed as almost a bribe since he is very addicted to weed. I really need help and quickly.

dear god i cant believe all of this. when i first met him he seemed sweet and humble and as time went on my bestfriend said he was manipulating me. i didnt want to believe her so i didnt. then my parents said i was changing and they said he was influencing me too much. then he got kicked out of his foster home for smoking weed in the shower. i was so mad at him for that because i knew theyr really cared about him. anyways so once he left their house, they told me he was a liar and manipulator and he loves to play mindgames and control people. i was in complete shock, i couldnt’ ignore it anymore. there’s so much drama! in the past i tried breaking up with him and he was like no you cant leave me, my dumbass at the time thought that was cute. so i thought if i made him hate me he would FORGET about me and LEAVE ME alone like i want. so i changed my number after sending a string of angry texts like i had a bet on him and i cheated on him and liked someone he hates, he KNOWS i was lying, he just cant accept the fact i dont want to be with him. so anyways, hes showing some psycho girls at school idk WHo and he tried to approach me yesterday but i walked away and his bestfriend who realized how is he too and doesn’t want to be around him told me he’s threatening to get some “people” to jump me and hella shit like that. he’ll cry in front of other people to get sympathy. it’s all a GAME. i called his ex foster mother who loves him very much and she was explaingi to me what type of person he is and she said i should alert the hall security and not take it to the principal to make it into a big deal because he might be lying to get me to go back to him. i’m going to try to talk to him today. i’m scared of him, a few weeks before we broke up he sort of cracked and started talking nonsense. now he’s taking out all his anger on me.

I’M GOING TO GRADUATE HS IN 1 MONTH!

my boyfriend is a serious video game
addict. I’ve been with him 3 years and his addiction didn’t get bad until he
moved back in with his mother (for her health). I’m 18 years old. He’s 19. My boyfriend
can spend almost 20 hours a day playing video games when he has the chance. He
doesn’t notice when i try to get his attention “late at night” unless HE’S in
the mood. He doesn’t come out of his room very often while playing so i bring
his food to him. The only time he leaves is to go to the bathroom or when i tell
him to go take a shower. When we go over to a friends house, he brings his PS3
with him so he can play there. If he’s away from the game system, he spends
hours looking up prices of games, game reviews, new games on shelves. Just today
he got mad at me for not lending him a game from my house (that belongs to my
brother) that he wants to play. He doesn’t see that he has a problem but i’m
worried about him. I’m not going to leave him. I love him and I can’t stand the
thought of losing him. What should i do? Please help me.

i myself am not an addict , but my boyfriend is/was / hes more then a year sober and hes making responsible decisions.the other night i had friends over that on occasion smoke weed, and instead of chilling with my friends and i , he decided to watch t.v. with my mother , i was outright mad due to all of his friends are the same way , why is there the double standard With him?

My parent’s are in the works of a divorce. My mother has dated approx. two men within the 10 months. This last one she has been dating for about 4 months. I really cannot stand him, and normally I give people a chance.
But, I am away at university and when I came home for break I was downstairs with my boyfriend, my younger sister had her boyfriend over and they were watching a movie. While my two other younger sisters were playing in their room and had their friends over. I was up and I heard my my mum and the dude having sex, and I found it absolutely appalling. I mean it was embarrassing to have our boyfriends and younger sisters having to listen to this. Especially since this was the first time I met him! All night he seemed to just work on getting my mother drunk to have sex.
I went to the top of the stairs and told them to knock it the f*** off for the second time. I told them it was disgusting and rude and we didn’t need to hear it. I then told him if he wants to just get my mum drunk and screw her to go do it somewhere else.
The next day he texted me through my mums phone to apologize and said he wouldn’t do it again. I didn’t respond to the text.
BUT ANYWAYS to get to the point he is having sex again at my house with my mum, he is constantly over, and every time i talk to my mum and tell her that its inappropriate and that she is shoving him onto my family to quickly she just responds its my life and im happy now. blah blah blah. She acts like she cares but honestly doesn’t give a crap.
I’m sorry but when my sister comes in the room to get the blanket sitting on the bed that you are having sex on. you stop. not continue as she grabs the blanket off.
I apologize that this is so long, i;m really just upset. And I don’t know if i should just let it go and discard the fact that my sisters are very uncomfortable with it. Or if I should confront him and say something considering he said it wouldn’t happen again????
No, I’m definitely okay with them being separated. It was very good for the both of them. It’s just what I see is that he is constantly always getting her drunk and just trying to sleep with her. And then, if she doesn’t sleep with her I am the one her drunk butt cries to because they got in a fight over not having sex. I dunno I guess I just find they relationship immature and I want her to be happy.

He only started the game back in March, but I have seen so many changes in him it is unbearable. I feel like everything about him has changed, like he has gotten very moody and would rather play world of warcraft then talk on the phone with me. His mother even complains. I even started playing the game with him just to see what it was all about, and now I understand clearly what makes it so addicting. So i don’t need that part explained to me. He has already paid for his first year of the game. I don’t know what to do anymore. He got mad at me last night for leveling up his character to level 50 on accident, because he was doing a battleground that required leveled 40-49. When that happened I knew there was something very wrong and that I have to find help.

He’s been in and out of jail numerous times, has been addicted to various drugs (although him and my sister say that they are off them now ) and his parents don’t like him at their house, because they do not get along. I’m 16 years old, my sister is 20 and her boyfriend is 23. He is not aloud to be here and when he is here, he in extremely rude. My mother works a lot just to support my sister and i, yet he comes here at about 9 in the morning and leaves at about 10 at night. she has to buy them cigarettes, food , etc. She doesn’t want my sister to leave and move out (because my sister keeps saying that they do not do drugs anymore, so she doesn’t want her to leave again). They both say they have anxiety problems and get a presription for Valium. My sister is supposed to take 3 a day, but went through about 150 in about 20 days. So she is over using that, and she always gets extremely mood-y when she is on it. If my mom says ” so what are you guys doing tonight” she gets VERY mad and will cry and say that she is just trying to get them to leave. It’s INSANE, I’m 16 years old!! I don’t want to be surrounded by this! My mom keeps letting it go on and I have had problems with anxiety and depression, from all this. My mom will sit down with me and she cries and yells saying that she is making a rule that he can not be here (especially because it’s illegal for him to be here) and the next second he comes over and it’s like it never happened. When that happens and I say something to her about him being here, she goes off at ME for trying to “start stuff” (and by “going off” i mean HUGE fight). If i tell my mom i’m going to talk to the police (because i’ve even heard them talk about selling drugs a few times and its illegal for him to be here) she says if I do that she’s kicking me out of the house. I really just don’t know what to do. I HATE living here with someone who is involved with stuff like that. I just wish he would go away and we could all just live normally. But my sister loves him too much (even though he gets very abusive at times and he is not aloud to drink for that reason) and won’t leave him. What should I do?!

I love him but im just hoping it wouldnt be born with that hard ship, i dont know if its genetic that my boyfriend has that i think his mom drank alcohol while she was pregnant with him. Is there a possibility my kid wouldnt be born with this hardship.

So I’m 17 and my boyfriend (just turned 21) and I think I’m falling for him. Now he used to smoke (mary jane) with me but when my mom found out she sent me to rehab. Well me and him have both quit smoking and all other drugs, and hes a really great guy. But i’m still banned from seeing him. How can I tell her how important he is to me and make her understand? I told my therapist and he even got onto her for not giving him a chance (she avoids him and refuses to even TRY and meet him)..her excuse was I’ve never met him, until I said she could. Now it’s hes to old. Which probably is true but still. I just want her to understand. Whats a good way to get her to open up, meet him, and try?
Ha. I showed her what everyone wrote. She said no I hate him and I can’t stand the way he looks. He has no chance. Whatever, I guess I’ll just sneak around. :(
And I’m not thinking with my hormones. I really like this guy. And I graduated high school and am about to start college. The same college he goes to actually. I just think it’s dumb. Shes ready for me to move out, go to college, but not date who I want? Hes not a negative influence either. We were stupid but we don’t do that stuff anymore. We both have jobs and support ourselves. I think I should be allowed to date who I want.

So I’ve been on and off dating this guy Mark for about three years now. The only times we had ever “taken a break” (the off part) was when we each had family problems. We’re both close with each others families and everything seemed to be going well. Then December 08 his mom called me when out of the blue but i couldn’t answer cause I was in class. Her message was something along the lines of, “I know Mark really values your relationship and could use your support in this time.” Well I immediately thought something else went wrong in his family (another death or something) so I called back as soon as I could and his mom told me she sent him to rehab!!!! I was so so so shocked because I didnt think there was any basis for sending him there. None of us had discussed it and he had no communication for a whole month(over christmas and new years! =[ ) So anyways he went to a half way house in florida and is coming back in a week. We’ve obviously talked since he’s been out but I’m still concerned. I really do not understand why he went to rehab…he didnt drink and the only thing he TOLD me about was when he smoked weed. I know he was worse when he was a teen but he definitely grew out of that. So either his mom is completely whack in sending him there or he lied to me about drinking and smoking and stuff. But I think I would be able to tell if he was out of control rehab material, which he wasn’t. Well anyways, now that he’s coming back I don’t know whats going to happen. As I said we’ve been together 3 years and now I haven’t seen him since the beginning of December. I know that I want to support him in “recovery” but I’m still young and I want to party!…but dont want to be a bad influence/temptation to relapse. Gah! I dont know what to do!!! Help?

i live with my boyfriend and his alcoholic mother. now his mother is a nice lady when she isnt drinking, but when she is she is constantly picking at andrew, calling him names, etc. Andrew doesnt react always right, he yells and screams right back at her and neither of them come to agreement. Should i interfere and act as a mediator, i know all they need to do is sit down and talk. They tried to get the mother to goto alcoholics anonymous before but she couldnt commit. should i say anything to get her to go? i jsut dont know what to do anymore and just want them both to be happy. any advice would be appreciated.

We’ve been together for over 2 years, we’ve lived together for over a year. He’s 24 and I’m 21. I have a steady job and he has a job he could be laid off from at any point and he doesn’t seem worried about it. He works for a small security company for just above average pay and always throws his money away on material things, things that could have waited. I’m always the one who has to buy toilet paper because apparently it’s not good enough for his money. He only buys things he wants, not what he needs. When we buy groceries he seems offended when he has to give me half the cost when that was what we agreed on when we moved in together in the first place. We split the cost of EVERYTHING, right down the middle. The entire length of our relationship I have been dealing with an incredibly painful disorder called Vulvar Vestibulodynia which makes sex impossible sometimes. Only in the last six months did we really only have sex about once a month but before then I just bit my lip. I found out it was my birth control so I stopped taking it immediately as told by my doctor and everything is back to normal. The problem now is he is always cracking jokes about how he doesn’t get laid and talks to my best friend about it inappropriately and acts like it’s funny even though he’s been holding my hand through it the entire time. It’s really stressful that it’s a joke to him and we’ve had numerous discussions about how it upsets me. He relies on his mom for everything and he constantly is bringing up his exes. His mom did everything for him so now he doesn’t know how to pay his bills on time or do his own dishes. He smokes pot as I did with him before but am lately holding back in case of random testing at work, he doesn’t seem to care. He always talks about how certain experiences would be better if he were stoned and everytime he talks to someone he has to bring up the fact that he smokes pot. He tells overly long stories that have no meaning and interupts my stories and finishes telling them for me. It’s like he has to be the center of attention all the time. He’s so talkative I can’t find time to even think. His days off he just sits around on his ass doing nothing and making a mess around the apartment, we’ve had lots of discussions about that too. I just don’t know how to get him out of his dependency for his mother. I’ve threatened to leave but I don’t think he understands what’ll happen should I go. He’s asked before for me to make him a list of things I want help with around the apartment but I told him THAT’S WHAT MOMS DO! I’m so aggravated all the time! I’m sure I’m forgetting a lot of things that could better describe the situation but there’s so many only a few spring to mind on command. I don’t want to leave him because we have so many things invested in eachother. I don’t plan on changing him because that’s a silly thing to expect from a person, I guess I just need some advice about how to handle the circumstances, him, and the stress.

My boyfriend has/had a drug addiction (not heavy drugs though), and a couple months ago he hung out with the wrong person at the wrong time and wound up in jail. He’s very intelligent, funny, compassionate, and kind, but has issues inside that need to be resolved. Therefore, after getting out of jail (Thursday), his parents sent him to rehab (yesterday). In jail he called me at least once a day (did anything to contact me), sent me letters, etc, so when he found out ahead of time that the rehab center only allows two 15-min calls a day, he flipped out. He hasn’t called me since he got admitted to rehab, though, and after his mom visited him today, she said that he wants me to know that he hasn’t called me and won’t for a while because he needs to focus on himself. I used to tell him that, because I truly want him to, but he would always say, “I will, but you are a huge part of my life, so it’s a given that I am doing this for you too”. That worried me as he has to strictly want to do it for himself, but I find it strange that he all of a sudden decided not to call me for days when the morning before rehab he said “If I don’t call you today then I will definitely call you tomorrow”. “Tomorrow” has passed already.. Is it possible that he is strictly not allowed to call anyone other than his family, or did something suddenly make him change his mind, or did his mom maybe just say that to get me to back off? In addition to that, he now wants to go to a half way house after the 6 week program instead of going back to his parents’ house, which is a sudden change too as he recently kept saying, “I just need to get through these 6 weeks, etc, etc”. I really want him to focus on himself though, I just don’t know if he is saying these things or not. I know he’s going to change, too, some for better and for worse, but how drastic is the change? Are people even remotely the same person when they get out or are they practically strangers? I support him more than anything and really want him to have a future, but I just want to know what to expect and how I can support him.

Any advice would be very helpful. Thank you!

WEll me and my boyfriend had a discussion.

We were talking about my father. Here’s the story behind my father..

He was an alcoholic, my mother divorced him, father was taken drugs and alcohol and kidnapped my mother, and almost killed her. He wen’t to jail for awhile. He found Christ, and he wrote to us everyday. He told my mother how his Alcohol, Drug, and Sex addiction was sin, and he repented. And that he loves my mother very much. and he wrote to us, telling us, he misses us, and wishes he could have been a better father. My father got out, went to rehab, and went back to his sick family. They took him away from Christ. My father doesn’t even call us nemore, nor did he show love, he only bought things.

My boyfriend says i have to forgive. Yes i have, but then my boyfriend said i have to love my father. Yes i love my father. Then my boyfriend said to call him, and realize that he thinks we hate him. <–okay? well, i’ve made many fone calls telling him i love him
I told my Boyfriend that being around Bad, can influence you to turn bad, thats what satan
does. Just like how my father turned away from Christ. My boyfriend said not always,
sometimes people dont get influenced. That’s true, but only if one has Christ, and is
a true believer. What else could i say to him?

And what’s your opinion on my boyfriend’s opinion? Do you think
im wrong, or do you think Satan deserves another chance?

Thank you very much.

ive been living with my boyfriend for a year and a half now without paying any bills and his mother also lives with him and she has been a drug addict for almost 20 years.I am currently going through with buying a house and want my boyfriend to live with me but i dont want his mom in my home using drugs and bringing it around like she does now..how do i tell my boyfriend its either her get help or i dont want her at my house in a “good” way were he wont be offended.???

Me and my boyfriend have been together 6 1/2 years and we have bought a house. We are both turning 21 this fall and both attend shcool and are very smart mature young adults for our age. My mother and father are both alcoholics and never get along. Me and mo mother do not have a good relationship at all as a result of her drinking. How do i tell my mom im moving out with out her blowing up and throwing my stuff out.

I think my boyfriend of 14 months (with whom I live together for 1 year) is addicted to online poker, he has been playing it everyday (more or less 3 hours a day) for at least 9 months.
During this 14 months relationship I’ve been 4 of them outside the country to study, when I’ve came back he was playing poker, at first I thought it was just a hobby that was helping him to not think about his problems.
Two months ago I discovered that he was badly in debt, around 18000 dollars (not poker related) and 2 weeks ago I’ve discovered he was playing with money, first he bet 20 dollars per day, after 40$ per day and one day he bet 100$. I don’t know if he wins or looses. And we are always strugling to par our bills, plus the time he spends with poker everyday, not speaking to me, makes me fell truly lonely.
I didn’t knew whom to speak, not my friends (our friends), not my family, so I’ve told my concerns to his mother. When he knew he got furious with me and didn’t understood that I told her because I was feeling helpless. Now he sleeps in the sofa, unwilling to talk to me, sees TV and still playing online poker.
I’ve tried to talk to him about my concern with poker but he always argues the same: that I do not have nothing to do with where he spents his money in, that is an extra money, that I wouldn’t have this and that gift if it wasn’t for poker (I never knew he bought them with poker money), that he relax when he plays so therefore it is good for him, etc…
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know whom to talk to about this. His mother got too sentimental and over the top and now I’ve raised a family issue and he does not speak with me.
Please, can anyone with or without similar experience can give me an useful advice?
Thank you

Claudia

PS: Sorry for my english, I’m from Portugal.