Please Help! 8 is to old to wipe his butt for him and sleep in same bed right?
December 13th, 2011
My fiancee still wipes his 8 year olds butt and thinks he should still be sleeping with us. I honestly thought the little boy was afraid to be alone I didn’t realize he still needed his but wiped when he used the bathroom. Grandma does this too. This kid yells for them to come to the bathroom and wipe his but. I told my fiancee when we moved in together I was not sleeping in the same bed with him because a lawyer advised against it in case allegations would be made by his drug addict mom if she came back. My fiancee sleeps with him now and not me. I think they are hurting his independence. I am pregnant and I think these people have some screwed up parenting going on and I am worried. Isn’t 8 too old to need your but wiped? Shouldn’t he be sleeping in his own room? I was a daycare worker and I have noticed some red flags in this little boy for serious problems and I think these people are making them worse. Do you have any advice?
Discuss it with him and try to help the kid out. Just make sure you raise your baby the way you think is right!
i have to agree with you. red flags and all. he needs to be more independent, and your fiancee and his grandma need to let go a little. what if he wants to do the same with your new baby?
i can understand the sleeping in the same bed, only occasionally, like when he wakes up with a bad dream, or is sick, but every night? no way. and wiping his butt? no way.
my son is 7 1/2 and has been taking his own baths (unless really dirty and he needs some quick help) and wiping his own but since he was between 3-4. sometimes kids dont wipe everything, and you find dirty underwear. when i had an issue with that with my son, i simply told him he was going to get a rash and itch and have to see the doctor if he didnt keep his butt clean, lol. and it worked.
they should be doing the same with him. especially if theres a custody issue going on, kids are so impressionable, and its a good decision you made to get out of that bed in the least.
id seriously think twice about all this thats going on, especially if your going to have a child by this man.what if its a girl? does he think he needs to wipe his 8 year old daughters butt, and sleep with her? know what i mean? this kid is too old, and something needs to be addressed and soon. iwish you all the best with this dear, i hope it turns out ok.
It is, but if your guy thinks its fine, you probably won’t be able to change his mind.
You need a new guy, girl, this one’s crazy.
“these people are making them worse” ?
You mean YOUR fiance and grandma. The way you said that sounds very harsh IMO (no offense of course)
Firstly, 8 is not too necessarily too old to be sleeping with a parent. Especially in single parent families, where a child is dependant on one parent not 2. Hey i used to jump into my parents bed when i was about 10. (then they divorced and i moved with mum, i stopped doing it cuz she didnt want me to)
As for sleeping with him and not you, that could simply be because it is his son and he feels his son needs him. Especiallly if the mother is a drug addict. If the father starts to distance himself, what would happen to the child? He might rebel or start holding resentment. im not saying this is reasonable but im saying it could be your fiances fears. it wont hurt to talk about why your fiance feels the need to still do this? Maybe ask him if once they boy is asleep he could jump back into bed with you. like sort of.. ‘weening’ him.
Wiping the butt at 8yrs old is a bit extreme and i agree with you, however it is not abnormal or unheard of. Some 8year olds simply cannot cleann themselves completely. I remember at primary (elementary) school we had a boy who couldnt ever wipe it properly and he would have to go to the office if he done a poo at school. i remember this because he would smell like poo.. (i was young and i probably teased him :(
So while yes, these things are not the best things to get a child used to, they are not totally abnormal and i dont think it will hurt his independance too much in the long run. I definately dont think you should be letting this behaviour go under the radar, and you should at least be getting grandma to stop encouraging this behaviour. You should definately sit down wiith your fiance and tell him your concerns. I just would worry that if you put the pressure on him too much, it might cause fights. i mean, in his eyes it is probably the best way of parenting (in his eyes)
can you say wow i know that they what his butt clean but are they going to be the ones that wipe his butt when he is 18. also he is still sleeping with him wow. I would talk to him about it but that dosent always seem to work. call nanny 911 or have somebody else talk to him about it. or look it up on line and show him that he shouldn’t be wiping his butt. or you can get some baby wipes so he can make sure that his son is getting his butt clean. wish you the best and don’t let that happen to your child
you should really get a paternity test, if the 8 year old has been sleeping with you the entire time
who wipes his butt at school? i doubt a teacher would if he can wipe his own arse at school he can wipe it himself at home too. 8 is far too old to be sleeping with the parents. Ask your fiance if he was raised this way there has to be some explanation as to why they are babying him is it perhaps of the separation? Whats gonna happen when the baby is born and daddy’s attention is on the baby? I can see a very jealous 8 year old…………
God help ya! start making changes now before things get anymore out of hand
good luck
Children with average cognitive abilities, but delayed skills are often the product of parental neglect or malfeasance. A child should begin learning how to clean up after a bowel movement at potty training. It may be necessary to complete the task for them for awhile, but not after a year from successful training. This means all “average” children should be potty-trained, and cleaning up after themselves by age 4.5.
As to sleeping with parents, this is exclusively a parental matter, but there are some pitfalls from allowing children to sleep in parental bed. One of these is that the child will “adapt” to this arrangement and want it every night. Tough on the old sex life. The other pitfall could involve a “failure to detach” which might make going to school, camp, or even staying with a babysitter somewhat problematic.
Were I in your position, I would tell your fiancee; “You pick big boy, you either get to sleep with him or me.” If he chooses to continue sleeping with his son, you might want to rethink the marriage proposal. I’m sorry honey, but this guy doesn’t seem like much of a catch.
I think your fiancee has the problem. Eight year old children should be held responsible for their own butt wiping. I will bet the the son has other disciplinary problems and that should be a red fag. I think this is just the beginning of psychological problems unless this father gets some backbone. This boys father should be acting like a parent. And you want to make this man your husband? Does he take responsibility for his own issues or are they always someone else’s fault. Just my observation, but unless you want to have a life filled with taking care of a mamma’s boy, have your child first, before you marry him. I