Drug intervention for my grandson’s father?
November 10th, 2010
My daughter will be having her baby in 3 months. And the father of the baby is a heavy drug addict. I have talked to his mother and told her that he needs to be apart of his child’s life. I told her I would help her pay for his stay at a rehab physicality. I think its a good idea but my husband does not. All because he doesn’t want the father to have anything to do with our daughter any more or the baby.
I told him that we need to do wat is best for the child. How do I get him to see that this is not about him and how negative he feels about the boy, that its about the baby? Any suggestions would be much appreciated, thanks.
I don’t hear you say that the man has a burning desire to stop using. You might as well pour your money down the toilet. You have lovely motives, but no one can make an addict want to quit.
Your husband is right. Protect your daughter and the baby from the chaos of an addict. Maybe someday he’ll get clean. There’s a 4% chance he will.
I think the best approach to take on this would be to explain to your husband that you feel very strongly about trying to have a father for your grandson. Children who grow up without fathers (or mohters, its not one sided…you need both) WILL feel some kind of sadness or depression about it. Sometimes it can make them a stronger person, but more often than not, they end up having a harder time with things than kids who grow up with both parents. And if there is a chance that this man could seek treatment, and be a good father to this baby, then all measures should be taken to get him where he needs to be to do so.
I understand where your husband is coming from, he thinks the guy is a piece of crap who is ruining his daughters life, and doesn’t want that influence on your grandson. He is her daddy, of course he wants to protect her, but if he just rips your grandsons dad away before at least giving him the opportunity to step up, face his addiction, and become a better person/boyfriend to your daughter/father to your grandson…then he is doing everyone in the situation a great injustice.
Try and explain to him that the father of your grandson at least deserves the chance to prove it. If he goes to rehab and doesnt turn his life around, then at least you all tried, and you know for sure that you are doing the right thing by getting him out of your lives, including your daughters and grandsons lives. But what if he goes, and he recovers, and turns out to be a great dad? There are too many “what ifs?” in this situation to make a rash decision like your husband wants to make. Try and make him see it from a point of view he can understand….”what would our daughter have turned out like if she didnt have you?” something like that. And like I said, no one says the guy is going ot make a full recovery and be the worlds best daddy to this baby….
But the baby deserves a chance at having his REAL father. If his fathr falls short, then thats the time to be making the decision your husband is pushing for.
Drug treatments can be 90 days…your daughter is due in 3 months, if you get him in now, you can know for sure what route your family needs to take before that baby even knows the difference…..but you are right, it is about whats best for the child, and whats best is giving the guy the chance to prove he wants to change and be a good dad.
Good luck, I hope your husband comes around, and congratulations on the new addition to your family!