Should I Tell People About Her Alcoholism?
September 9th, 2010
This is a genuine question about a subject that is hurting me very much right now so please ~ no smart/nasty comments.
I’m 33 and my sister is 30 and she got married in September to a military man. She has had alcohol problems for the last few years, but has been taking a medication prescribed by her doctor to stop her from craving/enjoying drinking. I was so proud of her for staying off the booze. But she rang me yesterday, completely drunk, and I am heartbroken.
My parents both know of her problem, but I do believe that they are “enablers” ~ my mother does nothing but worry about her and is so smothering and such a neurotic that I made the decision not to tell her about my sister drinking again.
My family has always been very secretive, always worrying about what people will think and warning me as I grew up to keep my private life to myself. So other than immediate family, no one knows of my sister’s alcoholism.
My question is: should I tell her friends and the rest of her extended family about it, or should I keep it a secret. I just don’t know what to do for the best, because on one hand, by keeping her secret from them all, surely that’s enabling her to continue drinking without anyone saying anything to her. On the other hand, what if I make her life worse by spilling her secret and make her resent/blame me forever?
I would really appreciate the advice on this from someone who’s been in the same boat as me, or in the same boat as my sister.
i think you should keep this to yourself.you sound old enough and secure enough to have a talk with your sister.maybe she has fallen off the wagon.something might have happened in her life that you don’t know about.talk to her,nobody else.
Firstly for sure, you had better pick the unique rest
I would first try all the ways to approach her about it before bringing anyone else in. But once you’ve exhausted those options and you’re ready to deal with the consequences then perhaps just choose the person she is closest to (Maybe not her husband if he isn’t present) but someone else she is very close with. Someone she looks up to even.
What she needs is help building a bridge, not to be told to build a bridge. If you can be by her side and assist her in getting help without being confrontational then I think you’ll have more success.
Before you do all this though, are you sure she is picking up the habit again? Maybe just talk to her about that time that she was drunk. Ask her if she’s starting to drink again, etc. You just need to have very open/honest conversations with her. It sounds as if you do, so just continue doing that. If she is making it a habit again then take action.
I definitely would continue talking with your family one on one about your concern. Try to get them on the same page in hopes of staging an intervention in the future. This is a life long battle for your sister, don’t expect a miracle in a day. You’re stepping up to the plate to work hard for her to preserve some life. Good luck and stay strong. I wish you the best.
my partner is an alcoholic aged 27 and since we have been together he has had detoxes, been in rehab and tried various drugs to help him. He has the support of parents and extended family as well. He is still relapsing every few months but without our help I think he would be dead by now.
In my opinion the more people know then the more help and support they will have. Although your sister may be annoyed with you at first it is better that she gets as much help as possible before she ends up damaging herself for life. I also think it is terrible that you are worrying about your sister while your parents bury their heads in the sands. Try and get other family members to help you help her. I wish you well. X
Oh, you are in .a terribly painful place right now. I am so sorry! I believe that you should not tell anyone, as it could really backfire on you. I do believe that if she calls you, again, drunk, that you should not speak to her, except to say, “Call me when you are sober, I love you.”. Then, hang up-.That way, you are not enabling her. The rest of the people will learn that she is drinking, again. She will call an enabler when you do not speak to her. Hopefully, she will call mom while drunk, and mom will call you. Tell mom to say the same thing to her and to hang up, after she says it. She will blame people who do not speak to her (while drunk) for making her so lonely that she just HAD to drink. Do NOT fall for this guilt trip! She will always have an excuse to drink. It is so hard to not be an enabler, but, I know you care enough to do. Good luck, this is so hard