I think my Mom is an alcoholic, what can I do to help her?
September 8th, 2010
My mom is almost certainly an alcoholic. She cannot live without wine. She sneaks around with it, drinks it in coffee mugs so we don’t “notice” and hides these mugs all around her house.
My sister lives close to her (we are both grown & gone, but have another younger sibling still living at home), I live about an hour away. My sister told me that my mom came over the other day and was drinking one of those mini-wine bottles you can buy in a four pack. She said before my mom left that she drank another one and my sister questioned her about it. My mom’s response was “I have to go home and cook dinner and I’ll be buzzed, but I can hide it well”.
My sister said she contemplated calling the police on her because she was obviously driving while intoxicated, although she only lives about a mile away.
She has already agreed to not drink at home, only when she goes out. My step dad made her agree to this otherwise he said he was going to ask for a divorce. She agreed to it, but now she “goes out” with her friends every chance she gets. She goes out like she’s a single person and sits at the bar… she even smokes cigarettes now and hides them in her sock.
Part of me wants to think that this is all a huge joke, but I know it’s not. I don’t know what to do. Our relationship is being strained, and she is acting like a child. She is not being a mother, she is being a rebellious, selfish teenager.
I know that if she continues drinking, my stepdad will divorce her and she won’t have anything. I am about ready to stop talking to her because of her behavior. I am worried about my little brother at home, he is still in high school and a fragile person. I am scared that she will harm his future because of her actions.
What can I do?
My stepdad, sister and I talked about an intervention yesterday. We would have our priest there… then we would tell her she has to go to rehab or else. Would this work?
Thank you dawn, we have had many family meetings, and one on one discussions with her and whenever we do, she accuses us of “ganging up on her” although we are all very neutral and calm about it.
I have thought about having my brother live here with me, which he would probably do if the situation gets worse.
My stepdad is at his wits end with her. This has been going on for YEARS.
It’s gonna take alot of work, but she should go to the rehab
maybe you should talk to her and tell her that she should go to rehab if you want her to.
I wouldn’t stop talking to her, because when she is done living the life that she shouldn’t be living, she is going to need someone to lean on. And even though she is grown and should know better she still is only human, and we all make mistakes. I would sit her down and really have a serious talk with her. Whether it be as a family meeting or just you two alone, someone should really talk to her, not threaten her. And as far as your little brother, would it be better to stay with you or your sister? I am pretty sure that you have thought about that, but it is something to still really think about. His future is important hence he still is only in high school. Do whatever you feel is right. And I would suggest that your step dad isn’t to divorce her because of this situation. He needs to help her through this time of confusion. I am not a therapist, but I have seen my Aunt go through the same thing only her husband was a druggie. She divorced him and sure enough he got worse. So do whatever you feel is right. Good luck.
Sound good to me!
tough love. i’ve been in a similar situation, you need to sit down with your sister, your stepdad and your little brother and discuss it all, she needs to be in rehab, if she won’t go willingly, you need to make her realize whats gonna happen if she continues to drink, what it’ll be like to lose everyone you love because of something so stupid, the things that can go wrong with her health and legal things if she were caught drinking and driving. i’ve seen people learn the hard way and i’ve had people give up on life all together. Don’t just blurt out things you may regret later, make sure you choose your words to her wisely (most importantly, tell her it scares you) hope it helps. sorry your in such a bad situation.
Like with any other addiction, people will do and say everything to try to minimize the situation and avoid treatment. The only way that is ever going to change is if your mothers realizes that she risks loosing everything: her husband, her children and her own life if she keeps following that path. So, when you all speak to her, don’t try to be “neutral”, don’t give her an escape she can use. She is an adult, and needs to understand that her future actions will have permanent consequences, good or bad.
My mother is and has always been a hardcore alcoholic. I spent my childhood, uncared for, hungry, neglected and caring for her. Taking off her shoes and tucking her in after a drunk night. Its no fun! My advice is to look for a al-anon group in your area. It is like AA but is for the loved ones of alcoholics. They can help you understand alcoholism and show you the correct way to either help or deal. I strongly reccommend finding that group. They are educated on the matter and can help in ways you didnt even know. Many times the people who love an addict need just as much help as the addict themself as its a hard road to travel…..dont do it alone!!!! Feel free to contact me here if you just want to talk to someone who understands what youre going through! Good luck and God bless!!! :)
intervention
You say that she is acting like a child. She is not being a mother, she is being a rebellious, selfish teenager
If you resist a drinker to drink he/she will not stop drinking
So first of all stop telling her to stop drinking
Say her to do meditation.
I say tell her to do Dynamic meditation this will help her.
I was once just like your mother. Yes, you can try the intervention, but there is no guarantees she’ll go for it. If she for treatment because she’s being forced or doing it for others she may not stay sober. One thing I know is I had to hit my bottom with drinking.
I had to drink ever drop before I got “sick and tired” of being sick and tired of drinking. This may sound cold, but it’s the truth that most alcoholic either end up in jail, institutions or death. If she’s willing and I mean willing to get clean than that’s great.
One thing you mentioned is that she’s going out drinking because she’s been asked to not drink at home and this is dangerous. I hope she’s not driving.
The one and only thing you guys can do is take care of yourselves. This includes your brother. Try to remember that you didn’t cause this, can’t control it nor change it. I have to totally agree with the other person and that is find a Alanon meeting in your area. It’s a 12 step program for family and friends of alcoholics. My husband and daughter did just that and it helped them to stop enabling me when I did drink.
Alcoholism is a family disease, not just your mothers disease. There’s hope and this is just where you’ll find it. I pray that you and your family get the help you need and find serenity during the storm.
Don’t give up on your mother because my family didn’t and today I’m 18 years sober. If I can do it anyone can get sober.
God bless.