Allright, I really need some help here please. Alcoholic mother wont get help.?
September 8th, 2010
Ok long story short. My mother is an alcoholic and always has been. She doesnt drink every day or anything but when she does drink she usually throws these huge overly dramatic fits and usually clames how she wants to kill herself and all kinds of crazy things. I am now 26 and have a family of my own and live in a different state. Yet my 19 year old sister still lives at home with her and has to put up with her fits every couple of days. We are both worried that she is going to hurt herself or someone else and would not forgive ourselves if she did. She claims that shes already tried to get help which i think shes full of it because i have never seen it. I cant drag her down to rehab because i live in a different state and my sister is not as independent as i and is really having a hard time with it. Any advice from anyone please. I dont want to burry our mother at 50 years old. THanks in advance
Ok I just want to clear up the fact that I dont really have to deal with her anymore but my sister does. Even if she moves out I still am worried she will do something and end up killing herself. Shes already gotten 2 dui’s so cant drive. When she drinks the fits arent just screaming…she gets very violent and breaks things and does stupid things like walk into the middle of a main highway and such. So its not just a case of her being drunk all the time. Then she blames us for being so “critical” and embarrassing her infront of people.
You could try to have her committed as mentally unstable, other than that be prepared for the phone call.
Unfortunately, dragging her to rehab won’t help. She has to want to go, and she will not want to go until drinking costs her something. Helping her when she is down, or making excuses for her only enables her actions and allows things to go on.
The hard part is turning away and letting her know that when she truly wants help, you will be there for her. Until then, the 19 year old need to get out of the house.
Hi Hon…
i’m sorry to hear you and your family are going through this.
the truth is, no one can force your mother to stop drinking, and she won’t until she truly WANTS that for herself. you can put her into rehab, but that doesn’t mean she wont’ start drinking again, as soon as she gets out. so, it’s rather futile to try.
the best thing your 19 year old sister can do is start taking care of herself… alanon, alateen and adult children of alcoholics are groups for support of people who live with or are affected by an alcoholic.
you can do a websearch for more information about these group meetings. there is a lot of on line help and information.
your sister can call Alcoholic’s Anonymous in her area, to find Alanon, Alateen or Adult Children of Alcoholic’s meetings scheduled in her community. The people who attend are very aware of what your sister is living, can be helpful and supportive. I’m sure they’d be happy to give suggestions and help your sister to learn how to better take care of HERSELF>
sending hugs.
Next time she goes on a tirade and calls, tell her you thought she died, she said she was going to. Then tell her….let me guess, you got crashed again, talked out of your ass and decided to call me.
You are NOT responsible for her actions. Remind yourself of that.
First off your mother will not get help until she admits she has a problem. Second you have a family of your own and can be to busy to have to deal with her. So stay busy when it comes to gatherings where you have to see her. Tell her you have plans with your husbands family on those days or what ever you need to. You also live in another state so it should be easy not to see her. As for your sister who is 19 she is old enough to live on her own I suggest you let her or offer her a place with you until she gets on her own feet. Your mother does these things for attention so ignore the bad behaviour. You also need to realize your mother is an adult and you are not her keeper what she chooses to do is her choice to do she must face her own consequences for her life choices. Sorry probably not the answer your looking for but I speak from experience. Good luck
I pist 23 yrs away on a alcoholic in denial.I barely saved my 13 teen year old daughter.I raised her alone,she made it,Masters Degree.The Ex. still resents the daughter making good in her life.Mother is still a drunk.You Can’t help them,they have to do it themselves.They will destroy everyone one around them,mostly the children.The innocent get hurt the worst,and will suffer the rest of their adulthood,growing up in a Alcoholic family.
I am a recovering alcoholic who has been sober almost 9 years, and I have a few comments here.
First–it is true that people do not stay sober unless they want to. But it is NOT true that forcing people into rehab “never works”. It works all the time; the rooms of AA are full of sober people who were initially forced to go to rehab by families or employers or judges. With these individuals, the willingness develops after the person has been exposed to rehab and sobriety. Does this happen every time? Of course not. But it happens often enough that I hate to see this “don’t bother, it never works” information being spread around as gospel.
Second–this is a tragic situation but it is sadly very common among the families of alcoholics. This is why there are support groups for the families. The largest of these is Al-Anon (http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/) but there is also ACOA (adult children of alcoholics) which some people prefer. The affects of being raised by an alcoholic parent are absolutely tremendous and they do not “go away” because the child moves far away from home or because the parent gets sober.