the mother of my child gave me an ultimatum?
September 7th, 2010
I’m 17 and my girlfriend who also is the mother of my child gave me an ultimatum either her or my EX girlfriend Brooke. She told me if i don’t choose her she will make sure i never see my son Joesph ever again. This is a long story but while we were still dating Brooke got caught with possession of marijuana cocaine and heroin. And she was sentenced to a year in jail. I promised her i would help her get clean once she got out. However i had a one night stand at a party and it resulted in Joesph’s birth in late September. Brooke got out of jail and freaked out when i told her about my affair and Joesph. I then caught her using drugs again i was pissed she told me she went back to drugs because i cheated on her. She told me my son was a “bastard child” and a worthless piece of shit as well as his mother was a no good whore. As much as that hurt me i still continued to date her. Until she forced me to make a decision between her and Joesph and i choose my son and we broke up. I started dating Joesph’s mom she was excited she is in love with me and wants to start a family plus she hated Brooke and refused to let her be around Joesph. We have been dating for a month and i don’t think were right for each other she seems more focused on getting us to be a couple sometimes then being a mother to Joesph. I don’t love her but I’m trying to learn how to love her. I want to love her and be with her but i still love Brooke. After we broke up she went into rehab to get clean and show how much she loves me by finally getting clean. I met with her at a rehab meeting and i had a hard time not kissing her or hugging her. She is really trying hard to clean and i felt proud and felt her pain at the same time. I’m torn i love Brooke and it finally seems like is getting her life back on track and she is making great sacrifices for us. On the other hand i wanna love Joesph’s mom she is a great mother and really loves but i just don’t feel about her the way i feel about Brooke and i don’t wanna lose Joesph she is the most important thing in my life. Who should i choose?
I think its near impossible to learn to love. Just love Joseph’s mother as the mother of your child for now (since thats what it seems like you want) And love Brooke as the woman you want to be with. It sounds like you are a great father and have tried to give this “complete family” ideal a chance (good for you!) It didn’t, or doesn’t, work at this point. who knows what will happen in the future. If you want to be with your son then nobody can stop you. You get a lawyer and you go to court and you get your rights as his father established. The heart wants what the heart wants. .Good luck!
You can still be a father to your son without being in a relationship with josephs mom. This is called maturity. You cant love someone you dont. But maybe its time to reflect on yourself. How about renting a room and getting your own space away from the girls. But still being a father to your son. You can still take him to the park, have him over for dinner, go to the mall, shoot some hoops. As for brooke I would try to give her some time to get clean, this thing doesnt happen over night or even in a year, it will take close to 5 years to get totally clean. The best thing for you now is to just be friends with these girls and whats wrong with waiting 5 to 10 years before you get married, get a career, be a man, buy a sweet car. In the end its who you are that matters not who you spend the rest of your life with.
There’s one person in this mess who NEEDS you in their life. Not wants, needs. That person is Joeseph. He’s your son and he only gets one daddy. I personally could never be with someone who called my child a ‘ba****d’. People have sex and sometimes babies happen. If Brooke would have gotten pregnant from one of your encounters together, that child would also technically have been a ba****d because he/she was conceived out of wedlock. Nobody really cares about that anymore, so she’s just being a bi**h.
If you don’t love Joeseph’s mom you should probably leave and just be in his life for now. Nobody deserves to devote their life to someone who doesn’t love them, or who they don’t love.
Basically, I’m saying that you have more important things to worry about than girls right now. You say that Joeseph’s mom spends too much time trying to make things work with you and too little time with your son. Take your own advice and get to work on being a father instead of playing musical partners. After you’ve gotten to a point where your relationships are stabilized and you play an active role in Joeseph’s life, find a girl who will accept that you have a son with another woman. They’re not that hard to find, and someone who has a problem with it isn’t worth the time.
Choose the one who really loves you. If it is Brooke and the mother of your child refuses to let you see your son go and try to get custody ar partial custody of him. The mother of your child has no right to take your son away from you just becuase you love another woman.
you choose the woman you KNOW you will have a happy, successful life with because she’s demonstrated a willingness to co-operate with you in making a better life.
there’s no option that you can’t see your son – if your ex tries to alienate you from joseph, you document it, then take her to court for custody.
And this is why 17 year olds shouldn’t have babies…i know it happens, trust me, i got pregnant at 19. But seriously…by 19 you’re an ADULT…at 17 you’re still caught up in highschool drama!
She can’t take your child away from you. You have a legal right to it same as she does, no matter who you are dating.