How many people feel that they know with all their heart their mother doesn’t love them?
September 5th, 2010
I know your mother loves you no matter what, right? Well in my situation I don’t’ think so. I have done everything in my life to make my mother proud but nothing pleases her. I’m to the point where I just want to tell her to not contact me again.
History: my parents split when I was one because my father had an affair and gave my mother a VD. From then on my mother used me as a weapon with my father. We would move and she wouldn’t tell him were we lived and she made me call my step father dad.
My mother never had me she always left me at my grandmother’s house. I basically lived there rode the bus to school and everything. My mother would use me for everything. My grandmother asked my mom once to have me pretend I was her daughter so she could lie to a man my grandmother was cheating on with my grandfather. My grandmother said I was their love child and for years I was forced to live a lie when ever we would visit. Along with many other things family members would use me to help them steal and I was sexually molested by one of my uncles. I never told my mother when I was young because I knew she would never believe me. I told her a few years ago and she tells everyone that she doesn’t’ think that my uncle would have ever done such a thing. She never asked me a thing about it either. There was physical abuse and metal abuse my entire childhood and when I was 16 my mother and I got in a fight and she call me a B***H and told me to leave. So I was on my own and she never asked me to come back home.
Now I am married to a wonderful man and two amazing children. However my mother still does things that hurt me. She never calls or asks how my kids are doing, she doesn’t know that I am in college (I’m in my 2nd year). Seriously I have done so much for her taken care of her when she was going through rehab for drugs and basically raised my little sister…What the heck…She doesn’t love me right? I’m feel I am such a strong individual but why does this woman have such an impact on my life?
I am so sorry to hear that you feel unappreciated for. Sometimes parents don’t know how to show affection to their kids. Not that they don’t love them, just that they lack the skills to show it. Yes, I know all parents should show their kids affection and interest. But that’s not the case sometimes. I am truly sorry to hear about your parents’ marital problems, maybe she held a grudge against him and became bitter with all that he’d done to her and translated her coldness to you. I know that she should just have learned to separate her feelings, but apparently she doesn’t. I grew up in a dysfunctional family as well, my dad being an alcoholic, my mom screaming and fussing for every little thing, my brother having cerebral palsy. I too was given little attention by my parents, but of course the circumstance was different than yours. But still, I was mad at them for a long time. I was a great kid in school, always behaved well, never caused them any trouble, etc. But then I left my house at 24, got married, and now 8 yrs later finally I am able to have a relationship with my parents the way it should be. It is not perfect, but I guess my mom especially has learned to appreciate me, everything that I was as a kid, my love for them, and she even has admitted that she didn’t give me the proper attention that I deserved. But I don’t hold this against them. I forgave them for that. I went through hard time as teenager and young adult because of feelings of low self-esteem consequence of my parents not giving me the proper attention. Now I understand why… they weren’t appreciated as kids either! It’s like a vicious cycle. So the way they were raised it translated on the way they raised me. They didn’t know how to show affection and to say I love you. They had to learn after a long time, after reaching their 60s and finally they realized it! So, hang in there. Don’t charge your mother with this obligation because you know by pushing her to say nice things to you now it’s not really going to do any good. Continue pursuing a good life, doing your best to provide good care and affection to your kids, teach them differently from what you learned! — and then eventually your mother could start noticing how well you managed to do in life, and who knows… she might come around and say things you never expected she would… how she always appreciated you and never knew how to say it! Parents ALWAYS love their children, no matter what. Know that she loves you, even though the circumstances that you were raised weren’t the best, because she could only do what she knew.