My brother, who is 45 years old and addicted to crack, is about to lose my mother’s house. Why should I help?
September 3rd, 2010
My mother is in a nursing home with dementia and won’t be back. My husband and I moved in with him to try and get him caught up but he is in thousands of dollars in debt. He has two pending foreclosures on the house and there is a lien on it from the state. He is telling everyone that its my fault he is losing the house when all he does is drink and do crack everyday. My husband and I both have full time jobs. Is it wrong to feel that I need to worry about where my husband and I are going and NOT my brother who could care less about us?
Let your brother fend for himself. He got himself into this mess and he can figure out a way to get himself out of it.
your brother is a base head.
I dont think it is wrong, but I do think that you should talk to the bank and see what you cant do about saving the house……
such is the power of drugs.
“it’s everyone else’s fault”.
Thing is, if you try to save him you are only enableing him to keep with his bad ways. you need to learn about “tough love”
get away from him before he drags you down with him.
LD
No it is not. I know it’s hard to let go because he’s your family but you can’t drown with him… You did what you could, and the only help left is rehab… Addictions really eat up everyone around you but you will NEVER be able to save someone if they don’t want to save themselves. Don’t feel guilty, it’s only fair to save yourself. You have 1 life and you have to live it the best you can… My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family…
Try an intervention/sit-down with him, which doesn’t seem like it’s going to work seeing as how he’s blaming you for everything.
You should call a clinic that specializes in curing addictions. It’s a rough process, but it has to be done.
That stuff can screw you guys up if you inhale any secondhand, and over time you will get addicted to it.
After you do that, if you choose to, then talk to the bank and tell them your situation, provide papers that you can probably get photocopied by the clinic.
That’s the best way to save it.
You can call the police, but that could be reallllyyy bad. They won’t try and help him at all and just throw him in jail, where his withdrawals will destroy him.
At least at a clinic they provide help.
You and your husband voluntarily moved in with a drug addict. You knew you were in for tough times.
If it is about the house you contact the bank and make an offer as soon the bank takes it.
If it was about your brother you get him help.
You aren’t responsible for any of this. You don’t have to do either. I know it feels desperate at the time, but the fact is you and husband have the control to make the decisions in this situation.
Your brother is 45 years old and is a crack addict. I doubt he has every done anything with his life, so don’t expect him to start now. Do not put yourself in a position that you may lose your home or financial security for this guy. Let him lose the house, and do not let him come and live with you. Don’t worry about what he tells everyone – if they know him, they know why he is having the financial problems he has.
You’ve done the best you could, when you could. Your conscience is at peace. Now it’s time to get your life back on track.
Since your brother has no respect for you in telling others “it’s your fault he’s losing the house” it’s time to start caring less about him. Don’t worry what others think. He put himself into his situation, and if he doesn’t want to get out of it…Case Closed.
Your family comes first. Move out, don’t even give him your address or cell no., leave him to his own devices, and don’t even worry about it.
I hope all goes well for you and yours.
Addiction is a strong habit to break. I think you need to make arrangements so that you and your husband will have adequate living arrangements.
Your brother is a man. He will only continue to duplicate the behavior that you now see. Crack is a powerful drug that lead people to sell their children to get a hit. I do not think that you can do any thing to help him. He needs to do that for himself.
I am a counselor and I am sad to say that he could end up killing himself. It is best if you leave quickly. He needs treatment. He could die from his next hit. I think you need to prepare your mind for not having a brother as well.
Addicts put many different substances in their body at the same time. You never know what they have done. If you pray, I suggest you begin now. Ask your brother if he would like to go to treatment.
It is not wrong to be concerned about your family. If you have children, keep a close eye on them when your brother is in the house. Don’t allow him to care for them. Children get sexually abused by adults on crack and other drugs.
I wish all well.