Possibly Mentally Unstable Mother-in-law…?
September 2nd, 2010
I can’t speak to my husband about this because although he, too, has had enough, he is not a “take charge” kind of man. I have to exclude him from my thought process….
Here is the thing… I’m tempted to go over my mother-in-law’s and even my husband’s head to get my mother-in-law help. I know legally I cannot do anything because we are not blood relatives, but I’m desperate and thinking of informing her parents of her instability…
We’ve all had a pretty rough year. My mother-in-law’s current husband went to inpatient rehab for alcoholism and since we wanted to get back on our feet financially anyway, my husband and I moved in with her to help her and to save us all some money. Well, her husband was a horrible person to begin with and now that he is sober and found a new chance at life, he doesn’t want to spend it with her and told her so last week after we have gone broke getting him help. Well, she was already pretty unstable as it was but when she heard that news, I think she has gone off the deep end for the worse. She is driving up there to see him this weekend and beg for him back (which we all know won’t work, drunk or not everyone knew he would leave her) and she is making our life a living hell with her emotions. She constantly snaps at my husband for no reason, she is demanding money so she can skip work because she is “depressed” and she won’t eat or sleep. I’m fairly close to her parents and would have no problem going to them if I knew that was the best thing… but should I? Her parents are fairly in the dark about any of her behavior half the time because she refuses to tell them anything personal about herself. This would no doubt shock them, but could it be a good solution?
Please help…
Get her help. Do whatever you have to do.
Otherwise, her craziness is going to put a strain on not only your mental health, but also the relationship between you and your husband. She has no right to be interfering in the affairs of two grown adults; show her that.
That’s a tough one, and it could easily blow up in your face. She could become vindictive if you go to her patents and she finds out.
I think you should come up with a few good courses of action.
Start now keeping a journal of incidents so you won’t be reduced to saying “Hamina hamina hamina” (like Ralph Kramden) if you bring it up to someone and are challenged to give some examples. Be WELL prepared for the question, “Like what?”
When you are fully “armed” tell your husband that you simply can’t take it anymore. Tell him you plan to talk to her parents and to suggest a course of action.
And absolutely don’t take “No” for an answer. If he doesn’t like it, insist that he come up with an alternate plan. But doing nothing is absolutely NOT an option.
Tell him that you’re willing to “carry the water” and do all the talking, but it’s essential that he supports you or you may end up “out on a limb” all by your lonesome, and end up alienating your husband to boot.
Make it clear you’re willing to help, but you are not willing to sacrifice your own (and your husband’s) life, and that’s just what’s happening.
Plus, it will be useful to have someone else to talk to about it.
Good luck, but striking out on your own, without the support of your husband, that’s a course that’s fraught with danger for you.
I don’t think it’s your place to call her parents. Even if you did call them how old are they and what do you expect them to do? She need professional help. In addition the man she helped and thought she was going to grow old with just dumped her. Are you really surprised she is depressed. I think you need to have a little compassion. By calling her parents and telling them her personal business which since they are in the dark I would think she doesn’t want them to know is only going to cause more problems.
If your mother in law has medical benefits I would see what coverage she has to see a therapist.