How to tell my mother-in-law…?
September 2nd, 2010My husband’s mom left him and his dad when he was 12 for another woman. She came in and out of his life many a time- most of the time on drugs or she was drunk. In February 2008, ( we were NOT married at the time) his father passed away and we both went to the funeral in SC (we live in FL). His mother was at the funeral and since he needed to be around family he let the past problems go. After the funeral she got drunk and it was not pretty. In May 2008 we got married. We couldn’t find her to send her an invitation (my husband said he had gone through many years of not knowing where she was-she didn’t keep in contact). We now live in a small 2 bedroom apartment and I am due with a baby girl any day now. One of those rooms is ours and the other is the baby’s. His mother has recently written us, telling us that she is in rehab for drugs and alcohol. She says she is attending classes to help with these problems. She also is asking to come visit us- “you should invite me down there” as her last letter said. At this point, we want her to continue rehab and we would like for her to visit but we do not have the money for traveling expenses or a place for her to stay. How can we tell her nicely that we can’t have her stay with us unless she pays for it herself and stays in a hotel?
She knows about baby. One other reason we don’t want her to stay is because she smokes and we don’t and she tends not to care (she smoked around my husband’s cousin who was 1 at the time even after she as asked not to. They had to hide her cigs.
just tell them
well DK, that is a real dilemma you have. The only way around this one is to be honest with yourselves and with Mom in law. Your husband has to be the one to tell her that she is welcome to visit but she has to stay elsewhere. There is no way to tell someone this nicely. No matter how you say it, she is going to be upset. Hopefully one day she will understand. You just have to stand your ground. You have your own family now. Your husband needs to find his gonads and say no. Your happiness depends on it. I can tell you from experience, if the mom in law moves in, she will take over and there goes YOUR life. She needs to take care of herself. Just my opinion of course…good luck!
cant you just tell her about the baby ?
she’s going to find out one day or another .
is she an understanding person ?
just sit her down and explain softly x
sorry if im not very good , i only joined yahoo today x
Tell her this is not a good time to visit. You need to make sure she’s clean, sober and has a job first.