Adult child of a alcoholic mother??
September 2nd, 2010
i am a adult child of a alcoholic mother who dose not see the effects that her drinking is having on her family. i would like to know if there are any ways to get her into a program or how to get her into AA i have been trying for the last 10 years and have had no luck at all. my father has passed away so i do not have any suportt outher than my siblings. it has goten to the point that i dont want my child around his grandma and will just leave her house when i suspect she has been drinking .i am being told buy my siblings that thats not the way to deal with it and i dont like to leave her alone but i dont know any outher way (she gets angry and some times violent).she also still has my 13 year old sister still living at home and she is starting to act out ! please help me!!
Find an Al-Anon group near you and visit. The people in Al-Anon are experienced and supportive. They can help you work through your issues with your mom and your siblings.
I’m ACOA myself and it worked for me. Good luck and God bless.
Unfortunatley you will most likely never “get” your mother to attend aa. She will have to hit her own bottom. until that happens all other attempts will give her more reasons to drink. Keep in mind that alcoholics tend to be very immature in their actions even after sobriety,IT TAKES TIME! the best thing you can do for yourself and your little sister is to start attending al-anon. It helps it really does! take your sis too! maybe you will both learn more about this horrible disease,and how to deal with a sick suffering person that you love.
If your mother has an alcohol problem, and is unwilling to get help, then the best thing you can do is keep your child and self away from her.
As a parent, you are responsible for making sure your child is safe. Bring your child around a violent and angry alcoholic grandparent is not bringing your child around a safe environment.
Your child should always be your first priority not taking care of your alcoholic mother. Your mother is a grownup. It is not your responsibility to rescue her.
If your siblings are so concerned, let them step in and help. Isn’t it nice that they to tell you what you should do but they are unwilling to do more then give you bad advice. Perhaps they can put some of that wisdom toward your mother and get her the help she needs. For them to think it is appropriate for you to have your child around alcoholic behavior is ridiculous.
Until your mother stops drinking and gets help, keep yourself and child away.
Good Luck.
I am sorry you are going through this!
It is not an easy situation, because of the younger sister. Imagine how it is for your baby sister she probably feels stuck, and you get to leave when your mom is drunk ,your sister has to tolerate it or rebel.
One thing you could do is talk to your younger sibling and ask her if she would like other living arrangements because mom needs help, Next a vacation away from mom to let your mother sort things out and show change is another way before having to report her(let mom know if she doesn’t show an effort you will need to get help from outside of the family) If that fails you could report her or get someone else to report concerns to child services, and your mom would be forced to get help. Whether or not it would work long term for her is all up to her.She will be very mad about it…and having to deal with the truth of her addiction that is destroying her and the family.
That is no environment for your sister! She could end up copy catting your mother, get hurt by her mother, run away etc the list goes on.
It is your sister that needs the immediate help, maybe it would pressure your mother to change her life style. Right now your mom doesn’t see the problem she has regardless to what you say to her. She feels she can handle it.
I don’t think you can let her ruin your sister! I believe you also want your mom to be a better Grandma!
I would say to tell her that you are not going to visit her with the grandkids when she has been drinking, and if she does you won’t be able to come anymore, which is good for you to do.
BUT…….your little sis is stuck in it everyday. Something needs to be done about that!
Best wishes I hope this helps!
You sound like a caring and loving person who just wants everything better so life can go on in a better way for everyone!
Hello.. i’m sorry you’re living this situation and that your life has been affected by an alcoholic.
Your siblings are right — it’s not your responsibility to get your mother help or into an AA program. You are responsible for you and your children…
Saying that, Alanon (an offshoot of AA) is a wonderful support group which can help you learn to cope and to take care of YOU. Alanon was designed for those people whose lives have been affected by an alcoholic.
You can find Alanon on the web, and there are meetings all over the united states, so i’m sure you can find one in your community.
If you choose to try Alanon, you will find that you are not alone in your situation. You will get quite a lot of ideas for help and suggestions about what to do…
it’s worth a try…. i’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. I understand, i’ve been there.
hugs hugs!
You can’t make her do anything. That is the bottom line, she can only be helped if she wants help. Perhaps you could get your siblings together to do an intervention. That is your best bet right now.
As for staying away, good for you! You have to protect your child from her and the effects of her drinking on the family. That is your job. Who cares what your siblings say…. if she is drinking she doesn’t need to be around your child.