I have a drug addiction and im pregnant?
August 28th, 2010
Before i can get to now i have to go back to my past and share what has already happened, which plays a major role in the present.
I lost my first baby to his father, i was using drugs but didn’t become physically addicted, until children services and the baby’s dad fought for custody, and i could handle the fight, i tried but they made me feel so horrible for doing drugs about 5 times during my pregnancy that i believed i didn’t deserve him and he was better off without me and it broke my heart. I fell into a deep depression and starting using Opiates, pain pills, everyday and Higher and higher dosage so i wouldn’t feel the pain of losing my son. Needless to say 2 years later i cant go more than 5 hour w/o having to do some how dosage of pain medicine else i get sick and after 15 hours im in full blown with drawls
I never meant for it to get so bad, but when the with drawls hit its so painful i cant take it and that scares me Lets just say for on-line purposes i have to do a very strong and addicting opulent 4-6 times a day and no longer get “the buzz” i dint want one, but i do it so im not sick.
I Just found out Im a lil over two months pregnant and im scared to death. I want this baby, but i don’t want to hurt him or her ,and want my son back, but im scared if i tell someone im a drug addict and need help that, their going to take the baby away from me, and i honestly could not go through that again, i have never felt so much heartache as i did when they took my son away from me, and children’s services were mean to me, my case worker favored the father, she didn’t want to help me and i wasn’t even physically addicted yet and look Wit they did.
Two failed at temps at rehab, but i want to get clean , i want to be better and live life the way i should and not have to resolve it around if im going to have pain medication or not and if not then i cant do it.
I want this baby, i want a second chance with my first baby, i want to be the good mother i always could of been. Im not a bad person ,just went down the wrong road and i cant find my way back.
This is a hard drug /opi/ pain killer to get off of , and even harder cuz im pregnant, but i want help and im scared their just say o another drug addicted mother how could she live with herself and take my baby and never help me.
I dont know who to call, where to go , or what to do, and i have no medical insurence , please someone i need some hard advice .
P.S- If you feel the need to say something horrible and awful to me dont, i have already said and thought them all to myself, but im speaking out now and i want/need someone to help me.
-LosT & ScAreD
Well you really need to quit the drugs & get into a rehab center. Otherwise that baby inside of you is going to have some serious problems if it even makes it out of your belly in one piece.
The first step would be to check yourself into an overnight rehab centre. It sounds like you need more than just meetings. They will help get over the physical addiction and will provide a therapist to talk to. Since you will be in a rehab centre, you will probably be evaluated by social services once you have your baby. But, if you are successfully off of drugs and they find you a stable person, their should be no reason why they wouldn’t let you keep your baby. If they let you keep the baby, you will probably still have regular visitations by a social worker, just to make sure the baby stable and well taken care of. After all of this, with some help you should be able to ask for regular visitations for your other child, and eventual maybe even joint custody. It’s good that want help, just remember that nobody but yourself can really help you. You have to want it. I really hope you follow through. Good luck.
Firstly, if you are addicted to drugs, your baby will come out addicted to them as well, and that is not the best thing to subject your child to. The baby would then have to go through the withdrawal process, which can be painful for anyone to watch because they show that same symptoms of adult drug addiction and the adult withdrawal process (sweating, vomiting, and can even result in death)
Secondly, a drug addicted mother might not be the best for raising a child, that doesn’t mean you cant raise it, it just means that maybe you should stop taking the drug, no matter how hard it is for you, your doing to stop yourself from feeling the pain of loosing yet another child.
Dear Lost and Scared,
The bad news is your situation is pretty grim at the moment. The good news is that you have an opportunity and a perfect (if not the best) reason to turn things around. You are 2 months along. That is not too far yet. You still have time to make things good. As you stated, you are a good person who has gone down the wrong road and can’t find your way back. Well, you WILL find your way back, but I’m afraid the journey is going to take awhile.
First things first, you have got to summon up the iron will I know resides within you and quit taking the drugs/meds you are taking. This is going to be the hardest seemingly impossible thing you will ever have to do. Whatever it takes for you to reject those habits though, you need to do it. Try focusing (as difficult as this may be) on the feeling that you experienced when they took away your baby to remind you that you never want to feel that way again and that is why you must not take the drugs.
I know it seems hard, but people quit drugs everyday. There are plenty of organizations to help you and motivate you to stay with it. Places that you can go and relate to others who are experiencing similiar feelings. check out this website for more info: http://familydoctor.org/online/famdocen/home/common/addictions/basics/586.html
As for your med. insurance, as long as you are a citizen of the US, if you are pregnant, you should be able to receive medical care. Go to your local social services office and they will assign you a caseworker that should help you through the process.
Also…if there is anyone…friends, family that can stand by your side through this, it would be extremely helpful. If there isn’t, you might want to visit a local christian church and try and find someone who can help you and councel you through this.
No one wants to see a mother and her child separated. I know you said your caseworker favored the father, but I am betting all they saw was a girl who was using (even if you weren’t fully addicted at the time.) If you are a bona fide recovering addict who has been faithful to your rehabilitation throughout the duration of your pregnancy, they will not take your baby (although folks might check in on you from time to time for awhile to make sure you are staying with it.) If you do stay on a path of success, this will eventually lesson. The point is the end result is a drug free you with a beautiful baby that inspires you to be the best person you can possibly be.
PS: I know its not the same, but lots of smoking gals have to give up the cigs when they get preggo. This is not easy at all, but it can be done. If they can do it, so can you. Good luck girl. I’m praying for you.
Hello-
I’m very sorry for what you are going through. I can’t say that I have gone through what you are going through, but my suggestion is to go to a Christian Church in your area and have them guide you to a Christian rehabilitation center. Unfortunately, the rehabs with out the guidance of God is like a dead end road – not always, but from what I’ve seen. I have heard of miracles happen when your turn your life over to God. My life reflects that now.I don’t know what your beliefs are, but there is a God that loves you and will hold your hand through it all. Do it for your child. Check out this website its http://www.harvest.org/
Harvest is a church that is connected with many other Christian church’s and where ever it is that you are from they can connect you with someone that can help you. :) take care.