Before i can get to now i have to go back to my past and share what has already happened, which plays a major role in the present.

I lost my first baby to his father, i was using drugs but didn’t become physically addicted, until children services and the baby’s dad fought for custody, and i could handle the fight, i tried but they made me feel so horrible for doing drugs about 5 times during my pregnancy that i believed i didn’t deserve him and he was better off without me and it broke my heart. I fell into a deep depression and starting using Opiates, pain pills, everyday and Higher and higher dosage so i wouldn’t feel the pain of losing my son. Needless to say 2 years later i cant go more than 5 hour w/o having to do some how dosage of pain medicine else i get sick and after 15 hours im in full blown with drawls

I never meant for it to get so bad, but when the with drawls hit its so painful i cant take it and that scares me Lets just say for on-line purposes i have to do a very strong and addicting opulent 4-6 times a day and no longer get “the buzz” i dint want one, but i do it so im not sick.

I Just found out Im a lil over two months pregnant and im scared to death. I want this baby, but i don’t want to hurt him or her ,and want my son back, but im scared if i tell someone im a drug addict and need help that, their going to take the baby away from me, and i honestly could not go through that again, i have never felt so much heartache as i did when they took my son away from me, and children’s services were mean to me, my case worker favored the father, she didn’t want to help me and i wasn’t even physically addicted yet and look Wit they did.

Two failed at temps at rehab, but i want to get clean , i want to be better and live life the way i should and not have to resolve it around if im going to have pain medication or not and if not then i cant do it.

I want this baby, i want a second chance with my first baby, i want to be the good mother i always could of been. Im not a bad person ,just went down the wrong road and i cant find my way back.

This is a hard drug /opi/ pain killer to get off of , and even harder cuz im pregnant, but i want help and im scared their just say o another drug addicted mother how could she live with herself and take my baby and never help me.

I dont know who to call, where to go , or what to do, and i have no medical insurence , please someone i need some hard advice .

P.S- If you feel the need to say something horrible and awful to me dont, i have already said and thought them all to myself, but im speaking out now and i want/need someone to help me.

-LosT & ScAreD

P.S- I think the reason i even started useingg drugs was to forget the pain and heartach i felt from the way men would treat me.I have been physically abused, emotionally abused and sexual abuse, i have gone through those with more than one guy, and more than one time my dad, the men i fall in love with./ My dad would hit me, i have had boyfriends choke and rape me, and the person i love now hits me and verbaly abuses me and he says it my fault cuz of my addiction,. Two days ago he punched me in my stomach , busted my lips and punched me in the sdide of my face/ The reason at that moment, i wanted to finish my toast before rushing to meet his dad somewhere.

  • Share/Bookmark