Mom is using herion; should child still go over everyother weekend?
August 14th, 2010
We just found out that my step daughters mother and boyfriend are heavy heroin users. My husband has full custody and the mom has every other weekend with the daughter..and we don’t think it is ok for our child to be in an atmosphere where it is dangerous.
Are we over reacting? I don’t know how people act on heroin.
My husband will be contacting his lawyer on Monday. However, his daughter is supposed to go over there today and sleep over…what would you do?
No child should have to be confronted with druguse.
You are NOT overreacting.
If it was me, i would not let the child sleepover.
no you are definately not overreacting. heroin is not a something to turn your back to. letting your step daughter go over there would be putting her in danger. contact your lawyer and revoke her partial custody until she goes to rehab and cleans up. also ask for random drug testing after she gets out to make sure she stays clean
A child shouldn’t be put in that environment. I think you should just make up an excuse as to why she can’t go today (maybe say she’s really not feeling well), and then contact the lawyer Monday. If the mother can’t take care of herself, how is she going to take care of her child?
no. something could happen plus you REALLY shouldnt get the kid involved w/something like that. it could b a danger to the child……..
The short-term effects of heroin abuse appear soon after a single dose and disappear in a few hours.After an injection of heroin, the user reports feeling a surge of euphoria (“rush”) accompanied by a warm flushing of the skin, a dry mouth, and heavy extremities. Following this initial euphoria, the user goes “on the nod,” an alternately wakeful and drowsy state. Mental functioning becomes clouded due to the depression of the central nervous system. Other effects included slowed and slurred speech, slow gait, constricted pupils, droopy eyelids, impaired night vision, vomiting, constipation.
Imagine there is an emergency or the child gets hurt and needs medical attention. Someone “on the nod” would not be able to handle that situation and the child would be endangered. If you need to just make up some excuse about why she can’t go today until you get some legal recourse.
You aren;t over-reacting but the truth is if he DOES not allow her to go for a court ordered visit HE is the one who will be in trouble regardless of the circumstances. Sad but true.
I would suggest if mom doesn;t ask, dont offer a visit. Maybe she will dope hersel fup and forget.
You are not overreacting you are protecting the child and that is what is important. If the mother wants to see her she can see her on supervised visits IMHO. People do some wild crap using Heroin. You are wise to contact your lawyer. I would refuse to send her there if it was me honestly.
put in an emergency call to lawyer right now
You are not over reacting one bit!! It’s your job as parents to protect her to the best of your ability…even though it’s her mother she is still on drugs and that is NOT a safe or healthy environment for a child of any age. She should NOT be with them at all until you can go to court and get things sorted out. Maybe call the police and let them know and maybe they can help you out for the weekend before your husband can get in touch with your lawyer. If the police say they can’t help you then have your husband call his ex and tell her that their daughter can’t come for her visit because of some reason (even if he has to lie it’s in the best interest of the child).
Good luck!!
if you adn youre husband are good parents you will not let your stepdaughters go to their mothers house. that is horrible. you will get in trouble if something happens because you knew about it. good luck. my mum was a bad drug user and im glad we were taken from her until she straightened up. take care of the kids. please PLEASE dont put them in harms way because now i feel like i am involved please dont let them get hurt. GOOD LUCK!!!!!
NO, not at all. I wouldnt let her see her Mother right now. She does NOT need to be around that. There is no way I would let her. How old is your step daughter? That would be very dangerous to let her go. Depending on her age, if shes older, shes not stupis, shell know somethings going on, if shes real young, they may not beable to take care of her. My b/fs boss was a user, he had 2 children, he would forget to feed them, change them, he would fall asleep and leave them laying there crying, and he would take things out on the kids if he couldnt get his fix etc. They are users, so all they care about is themselves and their fix right now. I seen some bad things happen to those children whose father was a user. Please do not allow her to go. What you could do , so theres no problems until you talk to the lawyer is, just tell her Mom that she is sick, so you are just going to keep her home for the weekend. That is sad. Good Luck and Best Wishes to you guys.
If it is thst bad (which it is) then you need to get the lawyer active right now! To deny pre arranged visitationis illegal and can cause major probs for you. However, you cannot let your child be exposed to that environment. You need to file an emergency injunction right away or else risk your position as full custody guardian.
Well.. The sucky part is it is court order that says YOU HAVE TO TAKE HER, then you must really try and hide that you know. Make up a reason to the mom why she cant come until you see your lawyer. (But even if you cant, most judges will understand your concern of not sending her) My X husband remarried and the two of them were crack users, I didnt know but the first time I let them go (they were 7 and 5) I called them to see how it was going and say good night, but I got no answer, called and called and called, until finally I was like screw this, lets go there. We showed up to 7 kids in the house the oldest being 13 and youngest two, beer bottles in the house, laundry all over the steps and my son crying in the bottom bunk. I took them and instantly filed a report to get supervised visits. I opted to let the visits be supervised at my x mothers house because I didnt want my children to feel uncomfortable with some court appointed person watching them in a lil room, but I also trusted his mother which made it easier for me. He tried to get me in trouble for showing up and taking them, but since him and his wife were not home they had no foot to stand on. He even had the audacity to call the police at 2:30 am when he came in drunk and realized my kids were gone. He lost but I also had kept a journal of things he did throughout like not showing up, swearing in front of them, threating calls, until we actually got in to court. That journal helped a lot. I hope this story helps you.. The basic answer is, analyze the situation before you even think to send her. Talk to the daughter and ask how she feels about skipping this weekend to do something else. And file report right away. You will need proof of any sort. Good luck..
don’t send her over there. call the police. in case you haven’t noticed heroine is illegal. you don’t know if they are high or what when you send her over. just dont and contact the police.
Just because they’re addicts doesn’t mean they’re bad people. Your stepdaughter’s mom loves her very much; of that I am certain. But they are very sick, and so I would push hard for supervised visitation until mom and her boyfriend recover. And when they do recover, don’t hold this over their heads. They are ashamed of themselves enough. I wish you the best of luck; this is a very difficult situation and you seem to be handling it very well.
no she well they need to be in jail
Absolutely not – the child should not go there at all. I would call the mom, and tell her that the child is not coming over this weekend, tell her the reason why, and tell her that the law will be involved if she shows up at your house.
DO NOT let them go. IF the father has custody then he has that option. Make up something if you have to until he can talk to his lawyer. (perhaps a weekend road trip)
Heroin users often NOD out – in other words, they go to sleep or pass out. Read this:
http://www.focusas.com/Heroin.html
Final note: You must be certain of this accusation – it’s a serious one.
ask the daughter
Do as I did. KEEP YOUR CHILD!
I am a dad with full custody. My ex-wife got a boyfriend that got her hooked. She was to get every other weekend and 2 weeks during the summer. When I found out she had he boyfriend and kids staying in a motel, I did not let her take the kids any more. The judge new she could not pass a drug test but gave her every other weekend any way.
I talked to child services and they told me if I willingly put the kids in harms way I could have them taken away from me. So, after they told me that I told my ex-wife the kids are no longer going off with her. I told her to take me back to court over it. Well, she hasn’t yet so she must be ok with it. She knows she has several warrants out for her so she is not pushing it.
Absolutely NOT!! I think that it’s always in the best interest of the child to most definitely stay away from anyone using drugs. You never know what kind of decisions the adult will make under the influence and having that child in their care while they may potentially be using in the child’s presence is very unsafe. I hope you find the best lawyer available and keep this child out of harms way. But most importantly I hope these people find the help they so desperately need. It’s very important for the mother to be allowed contact, but once her life is “cleaned” up and it’s safe for the child to be around. A relationship with both parents is vital to the childs growth. I hope you are able to find the answers and help you need. Good luck to you and your family and Happy Holidays!!
You should have called the police immediately. If you had, your custody order would have been revised right away so your stepdaughter would not have to go to see her mom. Because you didn’t, you will be held in contempt if you don’t bring her. Call the police and CPS immediately and report her. Your husband has is responsible for protecting his daughter. Good luck.