I’m 19 w/ severe depression and an alcoholic mom- should I move out?
August 14th, 2010
So I’m 19 and live in a cramped nyc apartment with my alcoholic mom. This is a long story, im sorry, but I really need someone’s help. Basically my mom has become constantly physically and verbally abusive. I have to baby her and watch her like shes a kid. A drunk kid. Just so that the place doesnt burn down. And now im scared that shes going to get me arrested or institutionalized, or even seriously hurt me bc I refuse to fight her. I know I cant fight her or stop her so I just let her go at it. But I cant take all the mean things she says to me. I cant take her hitting me. I cant hold a job or school like this. I feel guilty for leaving, but in the condition im in, I dont know if I can make it on my own. my depression is very bad, im absolutely non-functional, my medicine does not work, I sleep for days on end and barely eat. Last month i didnt leave my house for 5 weeks, not even for my med/psych appointments. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I don’t know if just leaving her will solve all my problems though, I know they wont. Im scared i’ll end up moving out and killing myself anyway. I left once before to go back to college but only lasted 6 weeks before I relapsed. I have absolutely nowhere to go but rent a room with strangers. What else is left? Do I take the risk and leave or stay and try to work through it?
Sometimes in the face of adversity, we find out just how strong we are–or can be.
You need to be OUT of that living situation asap. Your mom is responsible for herself, and will never get help until/unless she hits rock bottom. As long as you are there, she will not hit ‘bottom’.
You need to take care of yourself–keep your appointments and take your medication. You say the meds ‘are not working’. can you go into that a little more? What medication? how long have you been on it? Anti-depressants take 4-8 weeks to hit a therapeutic level in your body to ‘help’ alleviate depression. There is no magic wand or pill to make you a happy person–it takes work. depression is an illness.
Growing up in an alcoholic family has a huge impact on your self-esteem. You are an ‘adult child of an alcoholic’ and there are 12 step meetings for us. (Yes, I am one also).
You need support–you need to be away from that abusive household. then you can work on yourself.
Do you work/go to school? can you live on-campus–or share an apartment with someone? or rent a room somewhere?
baby steps. Live one day at a time–you can do it.
i know you love your mom–and tough love is the only way to save her life–and yours. She is physically, emotionally abusive and it has left it’s mark.
To get healthy you get up everyday and do what you have to do–take your meds–see your doctors–go to school/work–and go to al-anon meetings and/or Adult Children meetings.
best of luck to you and your mom.
id leave
Your personal safety is number one. Feeling like not able to function is the worst! Leaving wont solve all of your problems but it might be a good start. Med/psych appts need to be rescheduled and tell them of your level of Non-functioning – would a short hospital stay help? Maybe a shelter? I suggest; take your meds, dont miss appts, discus options with your dr. and be good to yourself. Big hugs and best wishes.