How is a nice way to have my mother move out?
April 6th, 2010
I’m 28 years old, and my mother lives with me. She doesn’t work, she’s still trying to get her disability from SSI. She avoids working, says that she can’t because it will mess up her case with SSI. Years ago, she had a slip and fall, and every since, she’s has back problems and she also has hepatitis C (which affects the liver), but refuses to take “safe” meds because she is afraid to get addicted AND she can’t take other meds because it will affect her liver (so she says), yet, she’ll drink beer and long island iced teas if they’re offered. She doesn’t clean, she sits around and does nothing. The only chores she does is dishes, that’s it! She helps with my son, but I can do that, I’m supposed to do that! My boyfriend and I want to move in together, but I really don’t want her there, she can have an anger problem as well when she doesn’t get her way, she’s very impulsive. What should I do?
my mother doesn’t have her own money to support herself, because she won’t try!! someone recently mentioned to her to get a part time job so that she could help me, so that i could go back to school…she said “bite me!” i don’t wanna leave her homeless, but i don’t wanna be taken advantage of anymore either.
I would tell your mother that you and your boyfriend are getting an apartment together. Let her know when you will be moving and don’t invite her to the next place. Make sure you only get a two bedroom so there isn’t room for her to just show up. Having said this you shouldn’t leave your mother homeless and destitute.
Consult with her doctor (and a lawyer!) to make plans that will work for both you and your mother. It sounds as though she has several problems, none of which you are responsible for causing nor which you can deal with.
Before you move in with your boyfriend, the issues with your mother must be settled; otherwise, this will be hanging over your head for years. You cannot decide this on your own; you really need her doctor involved. He/she may also be able to refer your mother to a counselor to help her.
There are no quick answers to these issues; just keep on working on them until they’re settled – and then create the life you and your boyfriend really want.
Good luck to all of you.
Live your life, she has no right to intrude on you. Just tell her you are moving out–then proceed to make your plans. Ignore her cries of self pity or her anger– it is only used to control you. I do not advocate living with someone out of wedlock–however I would move myself and my son out soon as possible-if I were you.
I would remind her ‘ God only helps those who help themselves”
You need to take control of the situation as of now, if you are paying the bills its your place.
Rule #1 No booze in the house
Rule #2 Drunkards do not sleep here / live here
Rule #3 No income, then go to the welfare office so you can get help from the system. That is what they are for ” no income” not relatives ( they have their own problems).
Rule #4 If you really have a drinking problem start by going into a rehab.
What you are currently doing is not helping her since the problems have been and still are continuing. You need to be firm, take control and force her into taking action / control of her own life – not living off of you or make you feel obligated to care for her since she won’t care for herself ( financially).
Tell her you are moving, but tell her a date two weeks before it really is – let her think this is the deadline. By this time she needs to get some income from some source, so she can rent a room or whatever for herself.
If she even brings booze into the home / comes in drunk one time she will be leaving at that time and not returning to live here…That Is Final.
This is what ‘ You’ have to do …place serious restrictions on her so she will want to get her own place so she can do what she wants. Take the role of the parent, and treat her like the adolesent teenager.
Also, you do know HEP C is contagious, and are you sure she did not get it from doing drugs also. Are there things going on with her you do not know about, perhaps.
Just remember, Drunks & Druggies always have financial problems, and will always take the easy out, and no self responsibility. Do not become a ” Co-Dependant”