I have a long of anger to my drug-addicted mother. How do I tell her I want her to stop abusing RXs?
March 30th, 2010
I want her to stop. I am so angry at her I could scream. She has done this my entire life and does not care about anything other than RXs and over the counter drugs. My dad threatened to leave her if she abused again, he even dispensed her RXs from a safe… well she found the key to the safe. He knows she found the key to the safe and he didn’t leave her. I’ve come to the conclusion that I probably won’t have my mom at important events in my life (college graduation, having a baby, buying a home)… my husband is tired of seeing me get hurt by her actions. I want to tell her to clean up or she will be cut out of my life. If she is going down she’s not taking me or my family with her. Please help!
She’s been doing this for 14 years… since I was a pre-teen
I think you should just tell her. You could schedule an intervention if she hasn’t been through treatment. I can tell you one thing. Don’t believe a word she says until she’s been sober for awhile. Addicts will say anything to get you off their back. And don’t expect your dad to do anything either. He’s obviously not that upset about it if he will stay for 14 years.
Sorry to give you this bad news, but I think you should just tell them both that you can’t do this anymore. Hopefully you can still see your dad without her there sometimes.
Also, if she gets sober, I can almost guarantee she won’t hold this against you. And if she doesn’t, things will only get worse.
It will prolly be really hard to do but just say “Hey mom, i love you but your making me hate you, your drug abuse is hurting me so much, and if you dont stop, i will have no choice but to cut you out of my life”
I know what your going thru, i am 16yrs old and i just had to tell my dad something of that nature!
Be strong
Say it, but say it with love not with anger. If you go in screaming and accusing and so on, then you won’t get anywhere. You say to her look mom I want you to get some help and get off the drugs because I want you to be alive and healthy when I have a baby, buy a home, etc. I want you to be able to enjoy your grandkids and you can’t if you are all messed up on drugs. Then say, I want you to be around but your actions are hurting me too badly. If you don’t get help now, then I have to be out of your life completely. I don’t want to do that, but I don’t know what else I can do… just be calm and loving. Let her see your tears if you have them. IF you can only come to hate and pain right now, then you have to wait until you can mature a bit emotionally to do the confrontation. Just go ahead and quietly stop having contact without the ‘intervention’. But if you go in guns blazing you will only hurt yourself and her. Remember she isn’t ‘bad’ for doing this. She doesn’t want to be miserable. It isn’t exactly fun being an addict. She has a lot of pain or she wouldn’t be doing this at all. I’m not saying feel sorry for her and wallow around in her pain with her. But this isn’t something she intended when she came into the world. Perhaps if you could get to the reasons she started using drugs it would be a help. My parents were very abusive of me and I had a bad childhood which I was angry over until I was in my mid 30s. It was such a relief to release my own pain over it and realize here are two messed up people who shouldn’t have had kids at all, but they did. And by finding a compassionate place in my heart for them, I was able to release the anger. In the long run, it has helped both them and me. Don’t coddle her and don’t pretend like it doesn’t bother you.. but don’t go at her with all your pain and anger like a big punch in her face.. it will considerably amplify her drug abuse. She goes to that because of her own pain to start with.. give her just more and she will become even worse.