I have the worst mother in law ever. It is really effecting my marriage. Is it wrong to keep my kids from her?
March 19th, 2010
My mother in law was a prison guard and had an affiar with an inmate. She is planning to live with his parents until he gets out of prison in a year. She dropped this news on us at my daughter’s 1st birthday party. She lets her drug addicted daughter crash at her house and has found drug needles in her home. Am i wrong for keeping my daughter away from her. It is really taking a toll on my marriage. My hubby is a mama’s boy! The lifestyles are just too different! There is always drama in her life and it really brings everyone around her down. I love my other in-laws, she just gets under my skin every chance she gets!! I am truly concerned about the effect her life will have on my kids. She has not seen my 1 yr old in 2mths because she will not call ahead of time because she feels like i am making her make an appointment if i ask her to give me some notice before visiting. (Hello, maybe sometimes I try to sneak a few private moments with my hubby when the kiddos are asleep!) HELP!
You should move to another state!
You need to discuss this with hubby and let him deal with it. It’s his mother after all and he needs to deal with it.
No, you don’t need to allow your kids into any dangerous environment and needles laying around are dangerous.
1. If there are drug needles, your kids are in danger going there, and it is justified.
2. Any visiting by mom-in-law should be at your place, under your supervision.
3. You MUST find a way to make your husband understand.
I would definetly keep my kids away from anyone i thought was a bad influence. And yes i think your mother in-law is a bad influence. Your kids are the most important things in the world and you dont want them to be influenced to do drugs and date inmates now do you?
You are absolutely within your rights to keep your children safe from potential harm and danger. In fact, the law says you MUST keep them safe…
You’d think the woman would have grown up and grown out of such behavoir by now!!! You have my sympathies!
to solve your problem.. go to Dr. Phill. lol.
prison? drugs? drama? using your childs 1st birthday party as a stage for her life?
You are justified and as the baby’s father your husband should be equally disgusted even if emotionally its harder for him.
Solve the problem by you and hubby making RULES FOR MAMA!
1)She gets supervised visits in your home or other approved place (you don’t tell HER THIS of course!)
2) No “uninvited guests” like drug addicts, rapists, thieves or murderers.
3) be PROACTIVE! instead of telling her “no not a good time” when she wants to pop in..CALL HER! ‘hey mama, I was going to take little zoe to the zoo today…she asked if you could come with us and then to chuck e. cheese afterwards!” then set the day and time.
4) give her lots of pictures of the baby..make her FEEL like she is wanted…because then she won’t have the fun of causing trouble “that witch daughter-in-law of mine won’t let me see my own granbaby, i’ll teach that lil so and so”
5) make sure your hubby is ok with this…this is-after all – HIS MOTHER and HIS CHILD. he needs to agree without being made to feel that he is the offspring of trash.
No, you’re not wrong. If you’re at all worried about the safety of your children, then you are entitled to keep your kids from seeing your mother-in-law.
Wow! I thought I had the worst mother-in-law but your definitely beats her. Sorry this is so difficult for you! My husband is also a momma’s boy and continuously fails to see her faults. This causes problems between us always. Why in the world do mothers have such an affect on their sons? They have some kind of power over them. But, the bottom line is you have to look out for your children and they should come first. I would not care about huring her feelings. You are just doing your job by taking into account the best interests of your children. I am sorry you have to live with this situation in your life… it’s definitely a struggle!
in a way it is wrong because she is their grandmother but i wouldnt want my kids around drugs either, my ex takes drugs and he hardly sees my kids, but there is no way i would leave them on their own with him. you need to talk to your husband and make him understand your concerns. as far as visiting she should come to your house if the situation at hers is too dangerous for your kids, they are your kids after all and you need to protect them. good luck
Okay, I have a similar situation, only it’s with my mother. She let my father abuse us when we were young, and then she let my stepfather beat us after she finally left my father. My daughter is 5 and I have never let her stay there alone.
I still go to visit my mother and stepfather (who has claimed to change), and she still comes to visit us, but there is no way I’m letting my little girl stay there with only my mother there for supervision. She’s already proven that she cannot protect children from her man.
Do NOT let her go with your mother-in-law anywhere unsupervised. She could get hurt. If there is a drug raid on her house while your daughter is there, that is considered neglect on your part. Your daughter will be taken from you, too, and you will have to work with the state to get her back. Make sure your husband knows that.
As far as her coming over unannounced, just let her know that it is common courtesy to call. Try to explain to her that your daughter may be sleeping when she comes, and you will not wake your daughter to visit with her.
Foxinsox has a good suggestion by being proactive. I never would have thought of that one.
Good Luck
I agree with all of these people and you have gotten some good advice. It’s extremely important to not make your husband feel like he is in the middle but somehow you have to get him to understand the situation with his mother is not a good one and definitely not a good one for your daughter. Having been abused by my mother’s husbands I WOULD NOT EVER leave my daughter with that woman and her jailbird boyfriend – I don’t give a rats what he did or didn’t do to get there. I cannot stress that enough. Final note, I would divorce my husband and fight tooth and nail for custody before ever allowing that to happen based on what I’ve been through as a child.
I would just tell her your sorry but… You do not want your children hurt by needles and that if she wants to see the grandchildern that she can call and come over.. I would hope your husband would respect that and feel the same way about the chances of your children being hurt by needles… There is nothing wrong with wanting a phone call before hand. It really sounds like a now win situation… but I hope things get better for you.
you’re first priority as a mother is to protect your children and if you feel that your children aren’t in a safe environment then you should keep your them away.Tell your husband that your children come first and he should understand that, and tell him there’s nothing worse than a mama’s boy.I wish you all the best in dealing with them both.
I totally understand your plight. I would simply suggest that you keep her visits with your daughter in a safe place, your home, the park, somewhere other than the dangerous surroundings that her home seems to provide. I don’t blame you one bit for keeping your baby away from her grandma’s house if the is drug paraphenalia about. Just be sure to let her know your reasoning is in the best interest of your child. Now, as far as the addicted daughter is concerned, has anyone tried to help her? If you choose to give up on all of the conflict, and your daughter goes there, you could at that time “anonomysly call” social services and let them know that you’re afraid for the safety of “a child in the home” and they may intervine telling the grandmother to either remove the threat “daughter” or lose any in home visitation of her grandbaby. That would take the heat off of you and keep your baby, mother-in-law, and sister-in-law safe. It may be that if someone takes the time, your sister-in-law could be helped. I work in the field and know it can be very frustrating. Good luck hun. John