What is/was your relationship with your family while living in Japan?
January 7th, 2010
For me, my father did the silent treatment. Several years with not a single phone call. Mother called a few times a year, if I called her she was usually drunk. Sister called maybe once. Nobody came to visit except a cousin.
When I got back to the homeland, no calls, no welcome backs. It was like I wasn’t back.
Boo hoo. Poor me.
Well I only went to Japan on a school trip for two weeks, so I didn’t get the silent treatment lol!
I do want to go out for a gap year though, after my A level…My parents would be very supportive of me though…
I wish my family was so distant I can’t stand them and I wish they would leave me alone.
Good question!
Mother: At the airport, shortly before I had to go, my mother “excused herself” and I didn’t even get to say good-bye! We were very close, so I did not know how to interpret this. I think she resented my leaving. EVENTUALLY, when she realised how interested others were in hearing her retell the stories of my adventures, she began to understand that it was a very exciting thing. She later hosted my Japanese friends, even when they went to her home without me! Mom never came to visit though.
Father: Always supportive, and arranged a business trip to come and see me. He had travelled extensively and understood the desire to work abroad. He even had his company contact call the school of my employment to ensure they were financially secure and legitimate.
Brothers: did not understand any of it, but politely tried to listen to my tales.
American friends: 2 did come as far as Tokyo on a layover where I met them and we had a great time.
I was very surprised at the lack of overseas visitors. But when I came back, I was greeted with open arms. You probably already figured this out, but it sounds like your family either have some issues, or just can’t imagine your feelings. Maybe they don’t know what to say, so they are waiting for you to make the first move. It may be hard for them to relate to any of your experiences, so be gentle. Good luck!
Well, hmmm. No one in my family ever visited me, but they were/are at that point in life where most people don’t travel abroad–ie, they have babies or very young children and are very busy w work, neither did/do they have the money or vacation time to spend on such a trip. My mom is retired, but she is not the travelling type. I think the prospect of travelling so far alone was pretty scary for her. I always felt if there were an emergency or if I were giving birth she’d come, but anything short of that, no. I was almost always the person who made the calls, which did sort of hurt my feelings, but if you want to talk you have to call. My mom does email a lot. Skype has made life a million times easier.
Sometimes I would feel a bit depressed about lack of visits or calls, but I always rationalized it this way, I was the one who left, so I shouldn’t expect my family to come chasing after me. If I really miss them that much I should go back. As it is, we communicate as best we can.
Sometimes I would dream that I had returned home, and in the dream I’d feel so sad and lonely. Then I’d wake up and realize that I was still in Japan–and I’d feel so happy and have that feeling of “thank goodness, it was just a dream.” Strange, bc moving back would not really be as bad as the dream had been. But I realized that the meaning of the dream was this: I am not ready to go home. I want to stay in Japan.
So if that is my decision I must accept all that comes with it.
Actually, I now live in China and plan to return to the US soon. This time I am looking forward to getting back. . .after almost 8 years abroad!